What Lies Beyond the Memories...

Anonymous vs. The Church of Scientology

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 01:29:29 GMT

At this point in time many of you may have heard about how the "Internet hacker group known as Anonymous" has "declared war against the Church of Scientology" (to quote the mass media). Both Anonymous and the Church of Scientology are rather interesting social constructs. Moreover, many people misunderstand what they are, and what this "war" is over. I do not claim to be an Anonymous, but I've examined their activity and helped some of their efforts.

I'm writing this up because I think Anonymous is very interesting. I've also encountered many people who profess to know nothing about the Church of Scientology, but then go on to say that religious persecution is bad. No religious persecution is taking place in this event.

What is Anonymous?
The beginnings of the Anonymous concept likely were inspired from Japanese internet forums. Many western-style forums require you to register an account before you can post. Your account can almost always be customized to contain profile information, a custom avatar (picture to represent you, shown with all of your posts), and it will track your posts. The more popularized Japanese forums do not require account creation. In fact, there is no option to create an account. While you can enter a username and an email address with your post, nothing would prevent someone else from entering the same information and impersonating you. In general, people posting with information stick out and are prone to being heckled. One of the most popular Japanese forums is 2ch, which the events of the story/drama/movie Densha Otoko played out on.

The western forums and the Japanese forums differ in a number of ways. The Japanese are rather famous for making elaborate emoticons and ASCII (text) art. The western forums instead are image boards, and people commonly upload pictures that either express a message or add to the post (but not always). Additionally, while both forums are extremely active, at this time only some Japanese forums have turned the forum into a sort of chatroom, where replies are updated in real-time as posts are made. As far as I can tell, the western forums still require you to hit the refresh button to see new replies.

The western boards contain a number of sections that somewhat loosely correlate to subjects or interests. Most of the forum activity is not generated by meaningful discussions, but by people seeking entertainment. Amusing stories are shared to which amusing replies are made. Amusing pictures are also posted, modified, and reused as seen fit. This is where many of the internet's memes are generated. Many people visiting such sites are put off by the seemingly rude people and inappropriate humor. This is largely a misunderstanding - it's not that the people visiting these sites have no values, but that these are places where the goal is amusement, rather than serious discussion.

At some point in time the people realized that they were many in number, and this is when an active Anonymous may have first been born. Seeking another form of entertainment and acting out of commonly held sentiments, raids would be organized against certain targets. The target would usually be a person and their presence on the internet who had done something that either angered many, or who simply seemed like an amusing target to mess around with. This is where Anonymous first became more well-known, as Fox News put out an amusing (and very misunderstanding) news story on the actions of Anonymous. In the broadcast, Anonymous was portrayed as a group of hackers bordering on terrorism. The story focused on how they had targeted a person, found out his name, address, phone number, stolen some of his passwords, and made prank threats against him. While people not in the know would probably have been terrified of this, Anonymous was seen as little more than a group of annoying kids who would cause trouble for their own amusement to many on the internet.

How raids are instigated is relatively interesting in itself. If you ever browse the various forums you may occasionally see requests for raids against a target put out by certain posters. These are frequently answered with "not your personal army" and questioning why the target should be raided, and why the original requester shouldn't be counter-raided instead. This shows that these are not a group of people who derive amusement from messing around with any random person. There must be a reason or a commonly held goal among the collective. Keep in mind that this is all further interesting because all of this is taking place anonymously - while some members may recognize others (perhaps by posting style), nobody can really be identified.

There's what Anonymous is, in a very brief and perhaps somewhat flawed summary. Unlike what the media believes, it is not a defined group. You could become Anonymous just as easily as I or anyone else with a computer could. It is a group collective.

What is the Church of Scientology?
Much information about the Church of Scientology (CoS) is available online. If you're interested, I highly recommend researching them on your own for more hard facts. I'm only going to provide the core basics here that will help to catch you up to the issue.

Before discussing the CoS, I would like to state that I'm extremely skeptical of them and their beliefs. Regardless, people should be free to practice what ever beliefs they want to, so long as they are not harmful to others. Much of what I say will show my skepticism for the CoS, but know that I do not look down on their members for believing the teachings of Scientology.

The CoS was founded in the mid-1900's by a science fiction writer, L. Ron Hubbard. Shortly before the conception of the CoS, Hubbard was quoted as claiming that the best way to make a lot of money was to found a religion. Even ater the CoS was in full formation, Hubbard was again quoted off-record as claiming that the best way to control people is to lie to them. A rumor that I've heard was that Scientology originally came about as a bet. In one version, Hubbard simply bet against another man that he could successfully create his own religion; in another, Hubbard squared off against other science fiction writers to see who could create the wackiest story that people would believe and take up as religion. CoS was originally recognized as a corporate entity, and was taxed accordingly. Eventually it was found that CoS members were breaking into the IRS or had infiltrated the IRS, and a federal investigation was launched that netted a few CoS members jailtime. Currently, however, the CoS is tax-exempt. This makes a difference because the teachings of CoS are only available to people who pay for them. They are given in tiered levels, and it seems to become more expensive as you get farther into the religion.

Despite that, I'm going to give you a very brief overview of what the core beliefs of the religion state. This information is only presented at the very end levels, and scientologists are told to deny that these teachings are real. The basic beliefs of Scientology state that humans essentially came to Earth as a result of an alien known as Xenu (Xemu), who was responsible for managing an overpopulated solar system. We are plagued by intergalactic parasites (I believe these are identified as Thetans) that hold us back from our full potential. If you can fully cleanse yourself of thetans, you will not only be happy and stop suffering, but you'll gain powers such as the ability to fly through space and perform telekenesis. Scientology does empower people to feel that they can make a change in the world and make things better, which is a positive benefit of the CoS and other religions as well.

The CoS has a bad history on the internet. Around 1995 or 1996 they began attacking a Usenet group that was incredibly skeptical of them. Usenet is basically a very old message forum system that requires a paid account to access (generally internet service providers grant you an account) as well as client software. Messages and files that are posted are propogated among the servers of various Usenet providers - there is no central Usenet server. The CoS attacked Usenet regardless, claiming that copyrighted works belonging to the religion were posted and that if these works were not removed then lawsuits would ensue. Those threats failed, and the CoS resorted to having some of its members become active on the Scientology discussion area of Usenet, arguing with skeptics and attempting to discredit them while making Scientology seem glorious. Part of the CoS' issue with information about them on the internet is that members must pay to advance through the ranks of scientology, and it gets increasingly expensive. In addition to discussing the organization itself, much of the internet discussions focus on examining the teachings of Scientology. The CoS is one of the most notorious organizations to make use of copyright as a grounds for lawsuits and threats.

The CoS has also made enemies with the medical industry. They claim that the field of psychiatry is a crime against humanity. According to them, psychiatry doesn't work and is based on psuedo-science, the drugs hold people back, and it mistreats people. While they don't claim to be against medicine in general, their strange stances about medicine have resulted in a number of deaths of their members. The most notable is the Lisa McPherson case - McPherson was a young lady who had been involved in Scientology for a number of years (close to 20, I believe) and then removed herself from the religion. Shortly after that, she got into a car accident and was badly injured. She was transported to a hospital for treatment, but a number of scientologists then came and collected her, moving her to a building of theirs (I believe it was a hotel). She ultimately died from her injuries and dehydration. There was also another case where a CoS member had a son (also in CoS) with some form of mental disorder: CoS dictated that he shouldn't receive treatment, and that he simply needed to cleanse himself of thetans. The young man ultimately ended up murdering his mother.

The CoS also advocates extreme hostility against detractors to the organization. Part of the teachings explain that there are SPs (suppressed people) who are enemies of the church. These people, along with ex-members of the church, fall under the CoS "open game" policy - essentially, they are to be harrassed and may be abused. Mark Bunker, the man behind XenuTV, has some massive courage and has documented some examples of this hostility on tape. XenuTV attempts to expose the CoS through video streams, and some of his media shows confrontations where CoS members forcibly grab the camera and threaten to break it. In other videos, CoS members gang up around him, yelling at him and trying to provoke him to anger. It's disgusting behavior, and yet Mark Bunker consistently keeps a cool head and a light demeanor. Mr. Bunker has gained infamy among CoS, and supposedly CoS members have even picketed his house.

Further, there are stories from ex-CoS members detailing how the CoS becomes extremely hostile to them. There is a policy of disconnection within the church, which states that ex-members cannot be communicated with. I've read plenty of first-hand accounts of how a person is cut off from his or her family because they left the church. This also makes leaving the church difficult, as a person is required to give a lot of their life to the church in order to advance through its teachings. Of course their friends and close associates with then be fellow CoS members - when you leave, you're left with nobody to turn to, and those people you knew are suddenly against you. I highly recommend reading the story of Tory Bezazian, a woman who became involved with the CoS and eventually achieved a position pitting her against Usenet detractors. It's a long read, but the end details her leaving CoS and is totally unreal - it details her "defection" to an anti-CoS group, and how she was intercepted at the airport by CoS who attempted to prevent her from leaving. Even after she'd landed, the CoS was there to attempt to stop her once more. This organization operates in incredibly frightening ways.

If you'd like even more information, visit Operation Clambake. Clambake and other Scientology detractors have claimed that the way to dismantle Scientology is through proper litigation. However, Scientology has remained an entity that not many people know about. Further, they have a number of movie celebrities among their ranks (most notably Tom Cruise). Scientology seems poised to take a number of unknowing people in and grow unabated.

Anonymous vs. The CoS
The incident that sparked Anonymous' anger against the Cos into full-scale action occurred around January 16, when a video filmed in 2004 showing Tom Cruise in an interview about Scientology was leaked to YouTube. Scientology quickly demanded that it be taken down, and it was. That the video was removed tends to be what people and the media focus around. Its removal alone was unlikely what made people act - it's more likely that the CoS had already garnered up enough negativity against itself through previous actions, and this was just the trigger.

The actions of Anonymous initially focused on knocking the CoS and its affiliated websites offline. It did this through a distributed denial of service attack, not unlike those used by botnets. In this case, they acted as a voluntary botnet, having loosely coordinated sites to attack. Prank phone calls were also employed. Many people initially viewed this as Anonymous simply showing that they disliked the CoS, and not much else. The media, of course, focused on how the "hacker group Anonymous" was now waging war against Scientology by attempting to deal damage to them purely through the internet. People talking about the issue felt that Anonymous was persecuting the CoS and its members for their beliefs. These latter two points are what spurred me to write all of this up, to clarify it for anyone interested.

I can't really explain what caused Anonymous (referring to the collective) to take up a more serious issue than simply knocking some teenager's website offline and defacing their MySpace account, but this is what they're doing. They have identified the CoS as being abusive to its members by requiring them to give up their lives and their money for their faith, among other things. The organization further dictates hostility toward skeptics and ex-members, making it difficult for people to discuss the organization freely and for members to leave the organization. However, Anonymous has consistently stated within itself and also outside that it is not out to tell people what to believe. The organization itself, not the beliefs ("no matter how silly they may seem to Anonymous") is what is being attacked.

The media and certain aspects of Anonymous have only focused on the DDoS aspect of the fight. However, Anonymous' ultimate goal isn't just to cause the CoS website difficulties or even to get an apology out of them. The general goal is to dismantle the CoS and free its members. Let the teachings of Scientology be available freely, and let people practice how they will. It's a rather noble goal, and not all parts of Anonymous are pleased with the fact that what they are/were a part of is suddenly bringing so much attention to itself and focusing so much of itself toward a task that is more serious than amusement-driven. However, it seems that the majority of Anonymous is still up for trying to finish the goal. Some parts are in it for the justice aspect of it; others simply want to see what the might of many can do.

What makes this truly amazing is to consider that Anonymous seems to be largely made up of a younger age generation (mostly late teens to early 30's, but nobody can say for certain). This group has previously been identified as being largely apathetic to world events and infected with feelings of not being able to make a difference. Now they are coming to realize the impact that they can have when united with others who share the same values. Yet unlike traditional clubs or groups where people gather, united under certain similarities, there is no hierarchy within Anonymous. The words of one person joins the words of others, and ideas that are appreciated by the collective are taken up and repeated, giving the collective direction. It's seemingly very disorganized and prone to vulnerabilities, but this disorganized collective has already united hundreds (if not thousands) of people and gained media attention for their actions.

A frightening aspect of Anonymous is that it seems to be a combination of vigilante and mob justice, methods which have traditionally resorted to destructive means and primitive actions. I'm thus pleased to say that while I've seen a number of people join into Anonymous calling for violence (these may arguably be people supporting the CoS), such requests for violence are quickly put down by the collective. The collective do not desire violence. In fact, they instead wish to utilize any violence that occurs against Anonymous participants to the benefit of the collective goal. Thus far the instructions I've seen repeated are that Anonymous participants should cover each other, but do not touch a single CoS member, even if it were a defense response to being attacked.

This is important, because Anonymous will shortly be entering into the next phase of their plan against CoS: real life "raids." This will basically take the information war to the streets in a bid to further draw media attention and show that this is a serious issue. CoS members have attacked and harrassed people before, and many Anonymous participants are bravely risking themselves to partake in this. While I don't particularly approve of some of Anonymous' actions against the CoS, I'm really quite happy to see the collective handling itself the way that it is. And of course, I do support their goal. If this is successful, it will lead to further interesting events - it will show that Anonymous, a representation of the will of the younger people, can change the world and for better or for worse, make a difference. Even if the CoS isn't dismantled, Anonymous has already given itself a victory by gaining the media spotlight and drawing scrutiny to the CoS.

This issue can ultimately involve all of us. You can become a part of Anonymous, or you can help in your own way by getting involved when you can. Clarify misconceptions about the CoS and what this is about. Correct the media when they make a mistake in their reporting about either side. Abolish ignorance over the issue. So get involved, and make change. Anonymous is all of us, and none of us. It's the strength of the collective combined with lack of identity. Above all, Anonymous is a concept. Watch carefully.

Links of interest:
Primary base of operations - doesn't contain anything secret, but contains a lot of information and links to reading material and videos. Constantly updated and changing.
Links to media sites - Media coverage.
Notable media coverage from CNet - This is notable in that CNet put out a secondary article in response to a video from Anonymous expressing frustrations with the media. Instead of simply calling Anonymous a hacker group who is attacking the CoS, CNet gives some quotes that further explain Anonymous' true goals.
The first Anonymous video address to Scientology - by now this address has become relatively famous. Many people unfamiliar with the issue misunderstood what the fight was about (partially due to the video's use of acronyms when referring to the CoS' organizational structure, specifically the RTC).
Anonymous addresses the media - this is the video that the second CNet article was based off of. It further explains the goals of Anonymous and shows that it's about more than simply knocking a site offline, and that it isn't about religious persecution.
Anonymous second address to the CoS - this video was focused at the members of the CoS, and again states that the goal is not their destruction or the destruction of their religion, but freedom of information and the freedom of their personal lives.
Coverage by NBC - video coverage of the event on a news channel. If you've read what I wrote about Anonymous, then you'll get a sense of how the media understands what Anonymous is, and what the goals are.
XenuTV addresses Anonymous - Mark Bunker speaks to Anonymous and gives some advice, also expressing a bit of misunderstanding about what's going on.

That's all for now - enjoy, and be aware.

Edit 08.01.28: Another interesting note is that what Anonymous is is currently changing. As more people join into the issue, the previously "uninitiated" (including some people who don't know much about computers, it seems) are finding their ways into the current Anonymous collective. Previous Anonymous members can occasionally be seen voicing complaints that Anonymous isn't doing what it normally does, or once again proclaiming "not your personal army." However, the activities are continuing and becoming more focused. Last night I checked and saw that there were 25 meetups planned for paying Scientology centers a visit; this morning there are 68 worldwide. While the face of Anonymous has already greatly changed from when it was first formed, it would seem that the goals of the individuals making up the group (and perhaps the types of individuals) have changed as well.

Holiday Cheer: Spontaneous Assistance During Tie Shopping

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 21:18:34 GMT

I completed my undergraduate studies this December. I'm currently in the process of applying to medical and graduate schools. Given all that's ahead, I can't say that finishing undergrad felt like a huge milestone. Isn't it strange, though - barely two generations ago, finishing high school was a huge accomplishment. As one of my friends put it, this is the result of an education arms race. High school is a standard, undergraduate education is increasingly becoming a standard, and graduate work is much less rare.

Even though I'm not finished yet, I feel more free than before. Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself that their possibilities were seemingly endless, and they were free to find their way to something great? Through my undergraduate studies I've had many older friends who graduated before me. They all expressed feelings of being lost and a lot of uncertainty, but I always felt that they were open and free. In some ways, I feel that way about myself now.

During this winter period, Janelle has returned with me to New York. The main goal is for her to see where I grew up and to meet my family in their "natural setting." Part of showing her around involved traveling to a local mall. While there we happened upon the men's ties section of Macy's. During Black Friday I picked up two new dress shirts, one of which happened to be red. None of my current ties match it. I hate wearing dress shirts without ties, so I thought it might be a good opportunity to find a matching tie. I found an identical red shirt to the one I'd bought and, using it as a reference, began searching for the right tie.

Janelle stepped away to use the bathroom for a moment, leaving me to my own devices. It was then that I spotted it: a table of the most unique ties I've ever seen. Instead of the rigid patterns that can be seen on the vast majority of ties, these ties had very artsy curved lines of varying colorsand varying degrees of sheen. Intrigued, I picked up a tie that was a nice shade of shiny green with blue and black lines joyfully dashing across it. I knew it wouldn't match with my red shirt, but I tentatively placed it beside my shirt.

No sooner had I touched the tie to the plastic wrap when a voice broke the calm with a sharp "no!" Startled, I turned around to see a short, elderly woman scowling at the green tie and red shirt through her slim glasses. "No, no, no," she continued, and then explained further that those two colors did not go together. I needed something that would complement the shirt. I asked her what colors would complement it, and bashfully admitted that I was rather bad at these sorts of things. I needed something with red on it, she woman said. She then began digging around the ties, occasionally coming up with a tie to look over. "This one's no good," she'd say before placing a tie back. "That one would go well," she'd state while pointing to a tie on a table near me. At last, she found one that she seemed satisfied, but her face quickly soured. "This tie looks too old for you. This is something that my husband would wear, but you should be wearing something that draws out your youth."

Eventually she wandered back to the table of ties with the artistic patterns. She found a black tie with red lashed over it, and seemed somewhat content. She apologized for being nosy, and wished me a merry Christmas. I thanked her for her help (she must have been with me for five to seven minutes) and wished her a merry Christmas as well before examining her selections. I thought that was the end of it, until I heard her saying "actually, that one could work well, too..." and pointing to a tie near me. Then she came up to me with another artistic tie. Red and white lines danced across a black surface - the added white meant that I could use the tie with two more of my shirts. Content, the lady left me and walked over to the cash register. I heard the male cashier complimenting the lady on her work, and then discussing his own tie.

Around this time Janelle returned from her excursion to the bathroom. She looked over the tie and remarked that the colors were her high school's colors. That settled it, and I went with it. Perhaps tomorrow I'll attempt to snag another one or two of the artistic style ties and then find a shirt to match them at a later date. (In general, it's probably wiser to get a tie and shirt at the same time.)

Moral of the story: don't be afraid to speak out to strangers. While some people may take offense or be frightened, others will appreciate the gesture and may be touched that a stranger went out of their way to help them.

Happy holidays.

The Writing on the Bathroom Walls

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 01:13:46 GMT

Although I find it a bit unfortunate that my only entry in such a long time is over something like this, it was too amusing to pass up.

Lately I've been having mixed feelings. I've felt a bit out of place, given that I'm now a 4.5-year undergrad when the average degree is completed in 4 years. I feel some loneliness, as my core group of friends has moved on to jobs or graduate schools. There's also anxiety and dread, knowing that I'm a wild card medical school candidate. More recently, I've been pleased, as I've started to receive solicitations from graduate schools. It's always nice to feel wanted. So one could say that what I encountered today contributed to that feeling, but in a bit of a strange way.

I work in the basement of one of the buildings on campus, and luckily for me, there is a relatively new bathroom nearby. Given the low amount of traffic in the basement area, it's almost like my own personal bathroom (although I never have to refill the soap or toilet paper). Nearly every single bathroom that I've ever seen - from those of my high school, to many around my university campus, and even some at Mt. Sinai hospital - has been defiled by graffiti. Often made up of vulgar words, insults, accusations of homosexuality, and crude phallic drawings, I've considered the basement bathroom to be miraculous, as no graffiti was scrawled over the stall doors or walls. However, today I made a discovery: graffiti has, in fact, been placed within my bathroom. They were written in the grit between the tiles on the wall. Bathroom graffiti is nothing amazing, but I was quite surprised by what I found. (Actually, that's an understatement - I'm writing an entire entry about it, after all.)

I was somewhat prepared for the reading material ahead by starting with the most easily accessible writing, scrawled above the tiles. In what appeared to be a correspondence between two people, one requested a homosexual activity and the other responded positively. The school newspaper has twice documented an activity called "cruising" in which males will engage in sexual activities within the bathroom - perhaps this was a sign of such activity occurring within my realm.

Next, I spotted some text between the tiles. It more or less read "The Indian guy in (room # directly across from my office) is so hot" with someone else writing that they thought so too, and expressed some sexual desires. Poor Indian guy - that office has a window to the hallway. He must have unknowingly been spied upon. Perhaps he doesn't even know that other males are lusting after him.

I thought that was all that was written, until I spotted some more: "To the hot dark hair boy who works in (my room #) I want to blow you" ... Well, I have near-black hair all right, but I had doubts that it was referring to me. There's a person, possibly a team, who does audio work in the same room as me. I've never seen them, but perhaps it was referring to them. I was floored when I spotted some writing nearby, apparently in response: "I want him too, his name is David and [some sexual desires, couldn't read the handwriting at that point]"

Yes, my name is David. I suppose a response at that point would be to feel fear, vulnerable, or violated - people are fantasizing over me, damnit, and nobody even invited me to dinner. I realized how badly I've been desensitized by the internet, with its rampant sexuality of any and all natures, as "epic lulz" were had and I felt flattered. Were I sitting somewhere in the women's bathroom reading this I would have been allowed to feel really good about myself. Even though this was the men's bathroom, I allowed myself to feel at least a small bit of satisfaction, and a lot of amusement.

I started trying to figure out just who could have written that, and had to stop myself. There's no window to my office, I keep the door closed, and there usually aren't many people around to see me going in and out. Furthermore, the number of people who might know my name, and that I work there, is also relatively limited. Maybe I could figure it out, but I don't really care to know, and I don't want to start suspecting people. (This hasn't stopped my girlfriend, Janelle, from trying to solve the mystery.)

Either way, you know you've made it when the writing on the walls is about you.

Journal Maintenance

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 22:54:19 GMT

On July 26 my service with my current internet service provider will be cancelled, and I'll be switching to a new one shortly after. My old ISP allowed me 100 MB of web space, which I used to host numerous images, including all of those posted to this journal. My new ISP will only give me 10 MB. I may re-upload certain images and fix the links, but as of now I don't have any plans to go through all entries and correct them.

Summer 2007

Wed, 16 May 2007 21:27:04 GMT

Been a while since the last update.

I'll start off with the fun stuff: technological changes. If you look ahead at what's in store for your computer, you'll likely see Windows Vista. When it was announced, Vista was pretty exciting - it had a lot of interesting features that would have put Windows into the "modern OS" standing. However, these features were scrapped as it was seemingly pushing back Vista's release date.

The result is that Vista is a prettied-up version of Windows XP. There are differing opinions over its stability, but everyone agrees that it consumes far more system resources than Windows XP. That in itself is a huge downer. My current desktop setup, running its Sempron and a 5+ year old graphics card, would not be able to enjoy the eye candy in Vista. But it would feel the system resources crunch. Windows XP is perfectly stable and there's no reason to upgrade, but what happens when no applications support Windows XP anymore? Or when Microsoft abandons its security updates? And speaking of security, quite a number of frightening security breaches have occurred. Occasionally I'd wonder whether my own system was compromised, and I'm just about as experienced with Windows as they come.

The next major alternative would be to switch the system over to Linux. It's been about two years since I tried Ubuntu Linux. This time around, I chose OpenSUSE Linux. Due to an esoteric hard drive setup (involving a mix of SATA, PATA, and PATA attached to an extended-BIOS expansion card) I had a bit of trouble with GRUB, the boot loader that would let me access either Windows or Linux. After fixing it, I had access to OpenSUSE, the world's second most popular Linux distribution.

How easy is Linux to use now, compared to two years ago? Much easier, although I was disappointed to find it too difficult to make a complete switch easily. I'll admit, I went right into the "hard stuff" - higher-level system tinkering that I probably shouldn't be attempting given my lack of experience with the OS. One of the first things I wanted to do was to install Beryl, a window manager that makes Mac OS look a bit plain by comparison. Seasoned Linux users find applications like Beryl useless, but the truth is that people don't mind it if their computing environment does some special effects. I sure didn't - my favorite Beryl effect (after wrestling with it until it worked) shows snow falling over your desktop background. My next major Linux move was to install a media player that I liked. I'm a Winamp user. The player that was bundled with OpenSUSE (and seemingly most KDE environments) is Amarok, a player that looks too similar to iTunes for my taste. Getting a player to work nicely also has been taking me more time than it probably should have, and it was the last thing I was attempting before I had to pack my system up for the summer.

I installed Kubuntu to my girlfriend's laptop, and it detected all of the hardware without any trouble (she uses a Hewlett Packard). Beryl installed without a problem. Before I ran out of time, I was attempting to get her system to work with our university's VPN system. It uses Cisco, which doesn't play very nicely with non-Cisco software, and the university has refused to provide me with a Linux client - they only offer Mac OS and Windows clients. Worst-case scenario, I could look into recompiling the Mac OS client for Linux, but that's also probably too advanced for me at this point. After that was solved, I would have installed VMWare to her Linux partition so that she could access Windows without having to boot to Windows. The Windows partition would act as an emergency last resort - I'm not good enough with Linux to bail her out with any problems, so having Windows available would let her keep up with computer-related tasks. There is a driver for Windows that allows it to access Linux partitions, so she could easily pull her data off of the other partition, too.

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I'm retiring my old Toshiba Satellite to my mother. My father received a Macbook Pro from his work that he doesn't currently have a use for, and gave it to me. I've always ragged on Apple systems, and my intent was to triple-boot this machine and spend as little time as possible in the Mac OS environment. I've chosen a different route.

The hardware on this has a Core 2 Duo 2.33 GHz (T7600 I believe), 2 GB of RAM, and some 256 MB ATI graphics chip. I bought Parallels, which is virtualization software tauted as allowing Mac users to run Windows without rebooting. It runs Windows flawlessly, which is what it advertises. While it advertises support for Linux, the Linux support is a bit flimsy, but I managed to install Kubuntu to it anyway. I will be experimenting with it later. The beauty of the virtualization is that one core of the processor supports the virtual operating system, while the other supports Mac OS - there's no noticable slowdown when running a virtual OS. You can choose how much RAM to allocate to the virtual OS, too.

VMWare is the rival software company to Parallels. Their software for the Mac is still in its beta stages, but it has much better support for Linux, and also allows the virtual OS access to both cores if desired.

I'd thought that I'd be spending nearly all of my time in the Windows environment, but I've spent surprisingly little - less and less as I find software equivalents on the Mac side. These days, I primarily use my system for email and web browsing. My client of choice for both, Opera, exists on Windows and Mac (Linux, too) so the transition was incredibly easy, even as far as just copying a folder to have all of my mail and accounts with me.

As far as security goes, I retain my "paranoia" from Windows usage. Unlike my time in Windows, computing is eerily silent - I don't have a firewall asking my permission for tasks, and I don't have a virus scanner to catch strange activity. The built-in Mac OS firewall is actually worth something, unlike in Windows, but it still doesn't provide me with any information. Perhaps this is a nicer way of computing. All the same, I don't buy into the "Mac OS is invincible" belief, and I think that it's just a matter of time before Mac OS is targeted along with Windows. Apple has done a decent job at keeping up with the security patches, but I don't care to leave my computing security entirely to them. I want to be able to protect my own system as well. Finding security options that are worth anything is a low priority for me, for now. I'll enjoy the peace for a while...

-----

Speaking of security, I decided to retire my old Linksys WRT54g as well. It ran wonderfully for about four months without a reboot, and then it froze up on me during my winter break in Hawaii. I was unable to remotely access my primary system as a result. When I returned, it seemingly required a reboot every other day. I downgraded the firmware to the version that it came with, which somewhat stabilized it. However, I noticed that it was unable to keep up with high-connectivity traffic, such as BitTorrent or peer to peer applications. This was the fifth revision of the router; other WRT54g v5 owners reported similar problems. I concluded that it was a hardware limitation. The router was wonderful for web browsing and low-level tasks, but not much else.

I found a lovely $50 off deal for a D-Link 4300, marketed as their gaming line of routers. Even with the deal it's the most expensive router I've ever purchased, running me $70. You get what you pay for. The options within the router are a bit more sophisticated than the Linksys, including an option to reserve an IP to a specific MAC address (a feature I'm very fond of). I didn't have many opportunities to test it, but the one application I did put it through, it handled without any trouble and didn't need a reboot afterward.

My only two complaints with the router: 1) its indicator lights are a pretty blue, but they're incredibly bright. They practically light up the entire room at night. I have to cover them with a sheet of paper to make it bearable. 2) The router runs hot. It's likely a testament to the fact that the on-board hardware is faster than with my Linksys, but I worry about the router overheating, particularly when the weather gets warm. I've read of people removing the casing and attaching heatsinks.

Academically, I've been finding quite a bit of success, mixed with a bit of irony: I feel like I do less work, sleep more, and yet receive better grades. At this point, I'm preparing to apply to medical school. I have one semester left. It's a bit of a strange feeling to be in this situation, however. All of my friends have graduated. Most have moved on to work; some are n graduate school. As for me, I'm still stuck as an undergrad.

I never really thought anything of it until commencement time came around. I decided not to walk and go through the entire graduation ceremony, partly because it'd be a hassle to have my family come out, partly because my plans will ideally take me through one or two other graduations (medical and graduate schools), and partly because it'd feel strange to do, knowing that I had one semester left. I only regretted my decision slightly when I saw my peers from my year going through the process. I've had friends at USC who graduated, and it was only slightly saddening to know that they wouldn't be around campus anymore. However, seeing people from my own year graduating was much more emotional. Even if I wasn't close to them, there's a sort of feeling that everything should be moving on. These were the people to whom the university belonged to during my four years here. Now the university scene belongs to different people. It's not that all of my friends are gone, but just a feeling that we're all moving on.

In a way, I feel as though I'm slightly behind, and with nothing to show for it. I'd thought that I could get my Japanese minor with this extra semester, but I found out that apparently I'll be one class short. I passed the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (Level 3) and can put that on my resume, but I feel disappointed regardless. I spent three years in Engineering and a lot of time with the Japanese program, and yet my diploma will only show a single degree.

The good news is that two biology faculty I've spoken to found my time in engineering to be rather valuable; one even said that being a "hybrid" (having been taught by "them" - the engineering faculty - and by "us" - the biology faculty) puts me into an interesting position. Medical schools likely won't care for it. To them, it's likely that my time in engineering will show nothing but mediocre grades. I'm applying anyway. However, for PhD programs, the engineering aspect works to my advantage. This summer, I'll be taking the GRE (Graduate Records Exam) in addition to applying to medical schools; in the fall, I'll be applying to graduate programs. For what I want to do, having both a Ph.D and an M.D. would be highly beneficial. In the past, the order that I received the degrees in didn't matter to me. After I met Janelle, the order suddenly mattered. Ph.D programs are a semi-backup plan in the event that no medical school takes me. I'm possibly up against the odds when it comes to medical school applications, but don't we all love to be put into situations like this every now and then?

The only concern is what happens after my extra semester. I have no way of knowing what could happen at this point. My largest fear is that I'll be stuck with nothing to move on to. No degree to work toward, and thus no way to work toward the future that I want. People talk of traveling for a few months after graduating, but I'm not the type that enjoys sitting around without much to do. And I can only tinker with my computers for so long before they're perfected to the task of making doing nothing more efficient.

My only other thought on the subject of school is a sad one. In my time in engineering, I befriended a student in the biomedical engineering program. I knew him since freshman year. He was a pre-med, and was pretty focused on his goals. If anyone could make it into medical school, it'd definitely be him. However, the day before commencement I had the opportunity to speak to him, and he revealed that he backed out on applying to medical school. The application process was so troublesome, and he realized that he wouldn't want to work as a doctor. Like me, he wants to advance the field of medicine. "Doctors aren't like us," he told me - doctors aren't creative, and their attitudes are unpleasant. For the most part, it's true. I see the pre-med students around me, and it doesn't offer much hope for the future, either. These people aren't that compassionate, and while they can receive high grades, they don't think. They're not that intelligent. I wanted to tell my friend that it's all the more reason for people like us to become doctors - to keep the field respectable and advancing, but it was clear that he couldn't be persuaded. He'd follow the engineering track and enter the health field that way, likely designing the technologies employed by the industry. In some ways, I felt abandoned, left behind. Someone more like me, with the same goals, was leaving the path not because he couldn't handle it, but because he didn't like where it led and/or the other people who go along it. I didn't have a desire to change what I was doing, but it was a sad sensation.

As for this summer, the plan is to return to New York. Janelle, unfortunately, is returning to Hawaii. I dropped her off at the airport this morning; she's currently in the air. This summer's separation will span approximately three months, which is much longer than the ~5 weeks of last year. To make it easier, I bought her a webcam. My Macbook has a built-in camera, so we'll be able to chat over video. It's no replacement for being physically near to each other, but it should make things easier than just using the phone. We both did a pretty good job of not being too sad over the parting - Janelle got a bit weepy the night before, and both she and I teared up at the airport. It's easy to sometimes take for granted what you have, but I think I did a good job of not taking Janelle for granted. I figured that the summer would be good for both of us, just to experience what it's like to be on your own in a sense. She and I practically go everywhere and do everything together. Without her here, it feels rather empty. But it's a good experience, because perhaps I'll come to appreciate her even more than I already do when we're reunited. If nothing else, it's "practice" for a potentially very long period of separation during the graduate school/medical school period of time.

Janelle's summer plans involve an internship with a doctor. From what I understand, it's partly research-based, and it sounds like it'll be a lot of fun. Having seen how close she is with her family over this past winter break, I'm also excited for her to return home. Her family will be really happy, and she'll be in a place that she loves very much.

I'm returning to New York in about a week. My father will fly out to San Diego this weekend; together, we'll attend the American Psychiatric Association conference, which ends a week from today. We'll then be driving from San Diego back home to New York - that'll bring the number of times I've driven across the US up to two. In New York, I'll study for the GRE, perhaps perform light hospital volunteering, and I'll be helping my mother with her research. It sounds like I'll be performing Western Blots and electron microscopy. A post-doctoral student who was hired to help with a different research project is Japanese, so I may have an opportunity to practice my Japanese over the summer as well.

Brief Update

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 06:20:31 GMT

Spring break starts today, so I just wanted to take a quick snapshot of where things are at partially for my own records and also for those checking up on me.

Last semester's grades were a success, but I don't know that I'd attribute it to the fact that I'm no longer on the engineering schedule. It's hard to explain, but in my area of engineering (civil/environmental) there was a sort of feeling that no matter what happened, you'd get a job. Why aspire to a higher grade? The classes were hard, and you took a lot of them at once. To make matters worse, the engineering courses were 2-3 units each, yet required much more time than that. Generally, the amount of course credit that a course is worth correlates with the amount of time a student is expected to spend on that class, including sitting through lectures and performing individual study. I don't remember the formula. Additionally, the number of units became a multiplier in your grade; hence, a four unit course weighed much more heavily than a two unit course.

So I found myself sleeping more and studying less last semester, with better results. The difference was largely studying for the grade. I've tossed out my ideal that studying the material alone should be good enough for a test, because it isn't. However, if you're sharp, you can still understand and learn a lot by studying for tests.

I'll be at USC for an extra semester. I'm currently in the process of applying to medical school. Going for letters of recommendation in spite of my dark academic record has been a good growing experience. All too often, people let some shame in their life limit their abilities. If you can confront it, it empowers you (or such is my experience, anyway). The application to medical school may be a futile attempt, but I owe it to myself to do it. The secondary plan is a master's or doctoral degree program - the first you pay for, the second is free (and much longer). According to one professor, the fact that I'm an engineering and biology hybrid makes me a hot commodity as far as Ph.D programs go. It's nice to hear that the engineering might come into my favor.

I was accepted into a research lab on campus. It's a wet lab (meaning we work with real samples rather than pure theory), and we'll be working with sea urchins (the small to medium-sized purple ones - not the giant red or black ones). The undergraduate assistant team consists of myself and four other girls, two of whom I happen to already be friends with. I'm really looking forward to it.

I've started my third volunteering post at the university hospital. I'm working in an intensive care unit (ICU), specifically for patients of cardio/thoracic surgeries. As the name would suggest, many of the patients there are in extremely poor condition. Thus far, most of them have been waiting on organs for organ transplants. Seeing many of them is saddening, and makes you realize that your day to day worries and decisions are relatively trivial. As a result of the condition, I don't get much patient interaction, but the staff are extremely friendly. Additionally, the unit has a lot of pharmacist activity. I think I know what pharmacists do in general, but I'm not really sure precisely what they do. I figure that this volunteering position will be a nice opportunity for me to find out.

Summer plans are uncertain, other than the fact that I plan to take the GRE in preparation for applying to graduate school.

Computer-wise, a few months ago I picked up a second monitor for about 70% off. It's far superior to my old one, and has become my primary monitor (I have the other one linked in a dual-monitor setup as the secondary display). I also added in a 500 GB HD for pure archival storage. It's a Seagate 7200.9 model, and it's incredibly whiny. I tried buying a hard drive silencer for it - not one of those vibration-silencing straps, but an entire box that you have to install the drive into. The whine persists, unfortunately, and only disappears if the drive spins down. Additionally, I've purchased a small 160 GB HD for cheap, to be used as a Linux drive. That's right, I've looked at Windows Vista and decided that it's not something that I really care for. Windows XP is nice, but by the time it becomes obsolete I'll probably be so busy that I won't have time to learn Linux (or the transition will be very painful. I might even turn into one of those people who are computer illiterate!). Besides, I don't really game anymore. Linux is also considered a research/engineering OS, so it'll probably fit with what my needs will be in the future (technically, any UNIX-based OS is, too, so don't feel too bad Mac users). My distribution of choice for starting out is OpenSuSE.

I'll probably still rely heavily on Windows, but now that Linux has full support for Windows partitions, and Windows can also read/write to Linux partitions (ext2/3, anyway), it won't be a big deal. Regardless of which OS I'm under, my data will be available to me. This is relatively new: when I tested Ubuntu Linux two years ago, NTFS read support was excellent, but writing to NTFS partitions could cause data corruption. This is no longer the case.

Lastly, it may be a lame thing to say, but I feel better overall. I have more confidence in dealing with others, and my past grades no longer weigh down on me as they once did. I can now also speak with (most) professors as easily as I can the graduate student TAs, which is a nice ability to have.

We'll see how things end up. I won't be crushed by 100% rejection from medical school at this stage, but if I do make it in, how things will turn out is a bit more obvious. Regardless of whether I end up going to medical school or graduate school, I feel excited overall. My time as an undergraduate was mostly very difficult and filled with about three years of struggle and trying to figure myself out, as well as how to keep pushing forward despite one failure after another. I'd redo if it meant becoming the person I am today as a result of it. But now I'm going to be changing again: potentially changing location (very exciting thought), and definitely changing focus and position regardless of where I end up.

Japanese Language Proficiency Test L3

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 04:45:11 GMT

Today I took the Japanese Language Proficiency Test at Level 3. This exam is supposed to measure your level with general Japanese, and is set to four levels. Level 4 is the lowest, is shortest, while Level 1 is the highest and longest (it also costs more). If you pass Level 1, you are considered to be capable of comfortably living in Japan. (For more information see the Wikipedia article. Rough estimates for Level 3 are that you should know ~300 kanji, ~1,500 words, and be at the intermediate listening level. Ideally you'd have spent ~300 hours of study to reach this level. A percentage of 60% is passing.

Why take the exam? For those looking to do business in Japan or with Japanese companies, passing the L2 is often a requirement. Companies are increasingly requiring L1 from what I've heard. I originally signed up for the exam when it seemed like I wouldn't be able to completel my minor. I didn't want my study and love of Japanese to go to waste. If I couldn't put that I'd minored in Japanese on a resume, saying that I'd passed a national qualifying exam in the language would be just as good (if not better). When it became clear that I could complete the minor, the purpose of this exam somewhat faded. I didn't give this any priority to my regular schoolwork, and logged very few hours reviewing for it. I was unsure of my performance, given that I haven't taken Japanese this semester - worse, I have barely used the language, and as such I've experienced some mental rust on it. I'd find that apparently the rust wasn't very thick.

The exam was set to start at 1 PM, with registration opening at 12:30 PM. The test is not held in nearly as many testing locations as the MCAT was, but luckily for me, my school was one of the test sites. For just one day, one of the buildings on USC's campus was turned into a JLPT-only zone, complete with colorful signs pointing out directions and a banner in Japanese and English. (The MCAT didn't have anything like that.) Before the exam I met up with one of my fansubber colleagues, aeyes (10batsu; he was a translator from the same group as other fansubbers kuuumo, maian (raspberry), and maiki). He had already passed the Level 2 exam and was taking the Level 1 this year. As he wants to use Japanese for business, he'll have to take another Japanese proficiency exam specialized for business later.

There were three or four classrooms set aside for Level 4 and another three to four for Level 3; two classrooms were for Level 2 and another two were for Level 1. As I waited outside of my assigned room for the exam to begin, I couldn't help but notice the variety of people present. There were children who looked as young as elementary school-age (probably native speakers, or children from families of native speakers) through to elderly-looking people; the majority were probably around college or post-college age. There was a wide variety of ethnicities, mostly Asians and Caucasians. I spied one Indian woman taking the exam. Most of the Caucasians taking the test seemed to be otaku in appearence.

The test consisted of three sections: (1) Kanji and Vocabulary [100 points] - 35 minutes, (2) Listening Comprehension [100 points] - 35 minutes, and (3) Reading Comprehension and Grammar [200 points] - 70 minutes. We started at 1 PM and ended at 4:10. The entire thing was multiple choice, with four choices available. Different levels of the exam have different times; as the exams go higher in level, the time per section increases.

The first section felt the most rushed to me. It involved picking out the readings of certain kanji, and choosing the proper kanji for others (occasionally, the choices would be the same radicals and strokes involved, just in different orders).

The second session was administered by having the group listen to a tape or CD with pre-recorded dialogues. These were high-quality dialogues, complete with sound effects and voice acting. After each question, chimes would sound to signal the ending. Amusingly, in the middle of this section, the tape informed us that we would take a short break (in Japanese) and then began to play calm music for about a minute or two before resuming. Many of these questions were ridiculously easy, involving selecting the correct one of four images that were being discussed (examples: two children discussing what to get their father for a gift; what did they choose? Pictures included items discussed. Another example: A man is explaining a graph; which graph is the one he is discussing?). I had difficulty with the two graph ones given.

The third section felt the easiest to me. By this time, my Japanese had almost fully returned to me, and my reading and thinking speeds were almost back to where they were by the end of last semester, in Japanese 4. Almost everyone, including me, seemed to have finished this section well in advance of the time permitted. Everyone was required to stay in their seats until the time was up.

The test gives me reason to believe that USC's Japanese program is extremely heavy on grammar rules, as much of the grammar felt very simple. The listening portion was also given in such a manner that the speakers spoke slower and clearer than I was used to from my textbook (「なかま」) and class recordings. The kanji may be mixed bag. There was a fair bit of kanji that I simply had never seen before. Oddly enough, on the sections not testing kanji, certain words were left in hiragana, while other kanji had furigana (showing the phonetic hiragana above the kanji) - nearly all of the kanji with furigana were kanji I'd learned back in Japanese 3. Yet, kanji lacking furigana tended to be kanji I was less familiar with. There was a fair bit of vocabulary I was also unfamiliar with, something I don't feel USC's program stresses very hard. Ultimately, if you have the grammar, it's probably easier to add everything else in than the other way around.

I had a lot of fun taking the exam, and I am really looking forward to taking Advanced Japanese I next semester.

(As an aside, I'm lagging on my final entries about the 4th grade volunteering - I'll finish them when my finals are over)

New XP Theme

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 00:49:47 GMT

For those who are curious, today Microsoft released a new theme for Windows XP. It used to be called "Royale Noir" but it is now officially called "Zune." This is the name of Microsoft's MP3 player. Perhaps they're supposed to match, but I haven't seen the Zune's interface and so I can't say for certain. Here's a shot of it from my laptop. I've decided to continue using the XP Silver theme for my desktop. Click for the full 1024x768 resolution screenshot:

Very Halloween-ish. It's not as nice as KDE, or Quartz (Mac OS GUI), or even Aeroglass (whatever's left of it in Windows Vista, anyway) but it's a pretty nice facelift for those who aren't into heavily modding their GUIs.

Tales from the Classroom Week II: Magnetism

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 21:39:56 GMT

I recently went through advising for what should be my last semester here at USC. The advisor is really going to be pulling a lot of things in my favor in order for me to make it out. If it doesn't go through, I'd have to spend an extra semester here, and to finish off a single class. It's an expense I'd rather not make. If things go smoothly, my schedule will once again consist of five classes. It's a lot, but it's the average engineering schedule. However, this time none of the classes are engineering classes: I'll be taking 20 units. If you go over 18 units, you are charged a fee for every unit you go over. When I was a freshman the fee was around $900; I'm sure it's gone up since then. It's still cheaper than paying for a whole extra semester.

I exited advisement and headed straight for volunteering. I didn't have lunch, and experienced the sensation of hypoglycemia upon entering the school. During the briefing of the lesson plans, I filled myself on the snacks provided. It gave me enough of a sugar rush to deal with the children.

Thursday's lesson involved teaching the children about magnets. Basic concepts to go over were how magnets have a North pole and a South pole, the interactions between the two, and that the Earth is a giant magnet.

Once again I was assigned to Group 1 (my flower patch). Leann had an experiment that ran over time, and so her group was taken over by one of the high school students. I assured her that her group was pretty good. If she wanted to see a group run amok, she could just glance over at my end. I handed the teacher Group 3's teaching materials, and we started.

To my great pleasure, before I made it to my table, the teacher recalled Thistle to her own group. Instead, a girl I didn't recognize was in his place. As usual, Mistletoe and Sunflower excitedly called to me. Humans are creatures of habit, and I'm no different: I was about to sit where I'd sat last Friday, between Sunflower and another new boy, when another boy across the table loudly complained.
"You sat with them last time, and you said you'd sit somewhere new each time!" I'd later find out his name - we'll call him Asp.
Oh, that's right! You know how when we were younger, the adults seemed to be pretty out of it? I'm fairly certain that, if these children even see me as an adult, I've reached that status with them: total space cadet.
Mistletoe and Sunflower loudly protested, but I moved anyway. Asp cheered as I sat beside him and the new girl.

The first series of questions were to ask students what they knew about magnetism. I was immediately interrupted by an enthusiastic Asp.
"David, you look like a vampire!"
Huh?
"Your teeth are so sharp!"
Admittedly, my canines are a bit more pointed than most people's. A memory from around third grade flashed through my mind, where a friend of mine went into a fit of hysteria on a bus ride home, thinking I was a vampire. At that time, I'd merely flashed my teeth at him in response, and then pretended to sharpen my teeth. This scared my friend out of his mind. Ridiculous as it seemed, I figured that I'd best keep the group from believing such nonsense.
Yeah, my teeth are a bit sharp. But it's OK, I'm not a vampire. Blood isn't for drinking.

Next, I held up a small, donut-shaped magnet, and asked them to describe it. It instantly became the object of desire of almost everyone who was paying attention. They clamored for me to hand it to them, but the purpose of the exercise was to get them to perform observations. I fended off a bunch of grasping hands while shouting at them to just describe the magnet to me.

Once that was done, I handed out magnets: one for everyone. Ideally, the kids were supposed to discover that the magnets attracted and repulsed each other. They seemingly already knew about it. The next big task was to introduce two big words to them: attraction and repulsion. I spent some time trying to get the words associated with the actions into their minds, but it proved to be a relatively difficult task.

Like the last time, we had a bag of test objects. Instead of testing for conduction and insulation, we tested for magnetic properties. Some of the objects were magnetic, and others were not. I held up each object, and the children were to guess whether they thought it'd be magnetic or not. Next, I passed the objects around so that they could test on their own whether the objects were magnetic or not. Once we'd finished, we went over the results together. This all went relatively smoothly. I even managed to get all of the objects back with relative ease. Daffodil already knew the trick: if the item contained iron, it would have magnetic properties. There wasn't much to explain.

The next task was to introduce a compass to them. This was going to be a difficult one, because this concept is one that confuses even some adults. Briefly, the concept was that the compass had two directional arrows. One was painted red, and pointed to the North. The other was unpainted silver), and it pointed to the South. Then came the explanation that the Earth was one giant magnet, and that was how the compass worked. The kids scrunched up their faces at me as if I'd just told them that Pluto was a planet (I guess that'll only be funny to people who keep up with the news). Then came the real challenge:
Okay, so if the red part points to the North, what pole is it?
The children were completely lost, and I didn't blame them. Orchid asked me what I meant.
Well, a magnet has a North pole and a South pole. We already know that opposites attract, and pole that are the same repel each other. So if the red part points to the North, what pole is the red part?
"North!" Daffodil ventured.
No, does someone else want to guess?
"East!" Mistletoe shouted.
Magnets don't have an East pole!
"West!" shouted the little boy who had been full of laughter during the first two sessions. We'll call him Bramble.
Magnets don't have a West pole, they only have a North and a South pole. So now, which is it - North or South?
"Southeast!" Mistletoe tried again. She was trying to read the compass itself. The red arrow was pointed toward "SE." I flipped it around to point to "N" in an effort to help them out.
"South!" Someone finally had it.
Very good. Now, if the red part points to the North and is the South pole of the compass, what is the silver part? But I was losing them. Admittedly, this sort of material would probably lose a fair number of people who weren't in elementary school. I attempted to regain everyone by performing an exercise that had been suggested by the coordinator: having everyone point in the direction of North. Over half the table participated. Around this time, I decided to lay down the only power card I'd been holding this time, given to me by the teacher the previous Friday.

Everyone listen up! I spoke to the teacher last Friday, and she told me that you all have a point system. This captivated a number of the students. She told me that if you're all well-behaved, she'll give you fifty points.
"Fifty points!" The students excitedly looked at one another. Sunflower and Mistletoe were playing around.
"Hey you two, stop it! We can get fifty points!" A boy I didn't recognize from before hollared at the two deviants. He turned out to be Orchid's cousin, and we'll call him Snowdrop.
Mistletoe and Sunflower quieted down and returned to their seats. 'Worked like a charm,' I thought to myself, until beaurocracy kicked in. Suddenly there was debate over what would happen.
"I'm from a different table," Asp declared. "I don't want this table to get 50 points! Don't give this table points!"
"Stop it!" Daffodil fired back. The group began turning on itself.
"Mister, mister!" The new girl pleaded with me. "Why is it only this table gets 50 points?"
Alright, everyone settle down. I'm sure the teacher will divide the points up fairly amongst you all. Somehow, we got around the issue, and I managed to hold their attention for a good 20 seconds.

I managed to show the children how the compass' direction could be altered by placing a magnet near it. Flipping the magnet around would cause the compass to flip around, as well. However, as I was doing this, a number of the children kept trying to place their own magnets around the compass. It was around this time that I shifted to the next task of the lesson: labeling the magnets.

I explained to the children that their own magnets had North and South poles, but they were unlabeled. Now we were going to try to label them. We'd stick a blue sticker on the North pole end, and a red sticker on the South pole end. I immediately saw an issue with this, as the children had associated the red of the compass with North (despite being the South pole end of the compass). I first labeled the new girl's magnet, using the compass and quizzing the children on what was what. If the red pointed to the magnet, what pole was the magnet? North. Blue sticker. What was the other side? South. Red sticker. Throughout this explanation, Snowdrop and Sunflower were distracting each other. Orchid pointed in their direction.
Snowdrop, what direction does the red point to? I used a tactic that all of my previous teachers had pulled - calling on students that weren't paying attention.
"Huh? I dunno!" Snowdrop wasn't ashamed to admit it, but this caught his attention. I calmly explained it. Sunflower and Mistletoe weren't paying attention.
Mistletoe, what are we doing? She didn't know either. I explained it.

The children began fighting over who would get their magnet labeled next, when I told them that they could help label each other. Now that the girl's magnet was labeled, they could tell what their own was based off of hers. How? The children had to be reminded that opposites attract: if the girl's South was pulling toward the magnet, then the facing side was North. Great. We continued on labeling, when sudden gasps were heard.
"Sunflower broke his magnet!" someone exclaimed.
"I was just seeing if it'd stick to things and it just broke," Sunflower came forward to me. He presented the magnet, cracked into two halves. The children around me were aghast.
"David, are you going to have to pay for it?!" Snowdrop inquired. I tried my best to look sullen, as if something very serious had happened.
No, I won't have to pay for it. But someone will.
"Can you fix it?" Sunflower wanted to know.
Maybe we can glue it back together. For now, I'll just take these back. Sunflower handed off the two halves to me, and slinked off. I put them into my box.

Disaster struck when two students that had labeled their magnets discovered that the same-colored ends attracted one another. I tested it with the compass, and found that one of the magnets had been labeled incorrectly. The student protested, showing me that his magnet paired correctly with another magnet: opposite colors attracted each other. Clearly, like some sort of disease, one student had mislabeled a magnet, and had proceeded to orient the other students according to his or her orientation. At this point, everyone had labeled their magnets, and the activity was largely over. Rather than fix the problem, I issued a recall of all of the magnets. Somehow, the two broken halves were missing.
Does anyone have the broken magnet?
"I have it," Mistletoe displayed the two broken halves. "Can I keep them?"
No, we're going to see if we can fix it. With a bit more coaxing, she unhappily handed them over to me. I closed the box and held it tightly in my lap so as to prevent further theft.

The next part of the assignment dealt with filling out a handout. At this time, a number of the students had left the group for a separate event. With about half of the group removed, things were much more organized. A circle representing a compass was on the paper, and a magnet with an "N" labeled near the compass was shown. The students were to draw the arrows into the compass. It was a simple assignment, although the final compass tricked some students - the magnet was labeled with an "S." Bramble was tricked, and laughed. The last sheet had magnets together, with boxes to fill in for "N" or "S." Orchid was tricked as a gap was beween one cluster of magnets, indicating that they were repelling each other.

We finished a bit later than usual. Of note, Group 2 was a bit more chaotic than usual. Thistle said goodbye to me as we left. As we left the school and were loading our materials into the program's rented minivan, Snowdrop - who happened to be in a nearby house - called out a greeting to me. I greeted back. The other mentors were impressed.

///////////////////

Friday, we had an excess of people. Many people were doubled up; I was still solo. Group 2 had the same girl as the day before, plus an additional boy. In addition to our regular boxes of materials, we had a large cardboard poster to bring along. The task for the day would be to introduce the children to scientific methods.

I sat between Snowdrop and Sunflower partly out of habit. Orders from above wanted us to have the children record their names on a piece of paper that we'd turn in. As handouts were distributed, I passed around a sheet of paper, asking them to write their names on it. This turned out to be a distraction in itself, as the children bickered over whether they had to write their last names or not. Mistletoe scribbled out her name that someone else had written. As I began to explain what we'd be doing, Snowdrop interrupted me.
"David, you're bleeding!!"
Am I? Well that's OK, we'll keep going. Sunflower wanted to see, but I made nothing of it. My guess is that I messed up shaving in the morning and had a small scab.

The task for the day was to test about breaking magnetic force. I assembled a scale for them. One side had a magnet on a stick erected. The scale had openings for two cups, one on each end. The cup near the magnet on a stick had another magnet placed at its base. The two magnets attracted each other. The children tested it lightly with their hands. We were to see how many washers it would take to break the force of attraction between the magnets.

"Hey, the boyfriend and girlfriend aren't listening!" Snowdrop informed me, motioning toward Sunflower and Mistletoe. I ignored this, and the provocation slipped off of Sunflower as I handed out washers. Sunflower grabbed a few and slipped them over his fingers, pretending that he had brass knuckles. Daffodil grabbed a few as well. Snowdrop also hoarded a number of them.
Now, we're going to gently place these into the cup to see how many it takes for the magnetic force to break. Nobody was listening.
"I have seven husbands," Daffodil proclaimed to the girl next to her, flashing seven washers on her finger as though they were rings. "But none of them know it." If this is a vision from the future, we're doomed.
"I have eight wives!" Snowdrop exclaimed. "I have eight kids!" Orchid managed to grab two of the washers away.
"Hey!" Snowdrop protested. "David, she stole my kids! I need my kids back!"
You want eight kids?
"Sure!"
What're you going to do with them?
"I'unno! I'll give 'em up to charity or somethin', I'll sell 'em!" Dark future indeed.

OK everyone, let's start the experiment. Who wants to put the first washer in?
"David!" Asp called to me from across the table, seemingly in a panic. "I can't get them off, they're stuck!" He made it seem as if he were trying to pull the washers from his fingers with great force.
Anyone have any vaseline? I honestly can't tell when these kids are just playing around or when they're serious. Eventually, Asp removed the washers from his fingers, making sighs of relief.

Daffodil mainly performed the experiment. Most of the group counted together as the washers were placed into the cup. After we'd finished, they recorded how many washers it had taken. Next, I used a poker chip as a spacer between the two magnets. We were going to see how many washers it took now. It was finished relatively quickly, and then we moved on: three spacers.
"Hey mister!" Mistletoe protested, "what happened to two?"
We're going to save it for later. It's a surprise.
Whispers of "it's a surprise!" went around the table, as certain children wondered about what had happened to using two spacers.

As we were about to proceed, a cry went up from Daffodil. "Give it back!"
"No, it's mine!" Sunflower retorted. The object of concern was a yellow eraser.
Admittedly, as I was always a shy and gentle child, seeing issues like this do somewhat bother me. Additionally, as a Libra, I'm licensed by the zodiac to be an arbiter with a desire that justice and order be served.
Is that really your eraser, Sunflower?
"Yes it is! My mom bought it for me!"
"No it isn't, that's mine!" Daffodil said, looking distraught.
I caught Orchid's attention, and asked her whose eraser it was. She pointed to Daffodil. Sunflower was still indignant.
"I know whose it is!" Mistletoe piped up.
Whose?
"It's mine," Mistletoe said, casting me a sly look.
It's not yours, it's either Daffodil's or Sunflower's.
I next asked Snowdrop, who gave me a confused "Huh?" and a look of surprise. I asked him whose eraser it was. He didn't know.
"I know whose it is!" Mistletoe tried again.
OK, whose is it?
"It's mine," Mistletoe said with a smile.
I had to chuckle at her. No, we've already established that it's either Daffodil's or Sunflower's. It isn't yours.
I called out to Asp, interrupting him and Bramble. He identified the eraser as Daffodil's.
Sorry, Sunflower. Everyone says that it's Daffodil's, so you have to give it back to her. That's trial by jury.
Sunflower looked a bit upset, protesting that the eraser had fallen into the pencil box. Therefore, it was his.
That's not the way it works. You have to give it back to her.
Sunflower looked down, and then threw it in Daffodil's direction. Despite this slight act of violence, Daffodil happily retreived her eraser from the floor. I lightly reprimanded Sunflower for throwing it.

We continued on with the data collection. I had some slight issues getting the magnet to fit on top of four spacers, and, not wanting to appear incompetent, asked if a student wanted to take over the task. They did it with some trouble, but it spared me. I handled the final spacers.

After we finished with the washers and weighing, we were to graph the results. The large poster board had a graph with pre-made X and Y axes. We went over the axes very quickly, and then I had the students put the plotted data points on the graph. The Y axis was for the number of washers used, while the X axis was for the number of spacers between the magnets. I'd expected the graph to be linear, but unfortunatey for me, the graph experienced an expontential decay. The point of the exercise was for the students to use the trendline to predict how many washers would be used in place of two spacers. They took turns plotting the points. Next was the difficult part: drawing the trendline.

It wouldn't normally be difficult, except that this graph looked awful. I called on Sunflower to draw the line, but he came up without a pencil. I next called on Asp, but in this time Sunflower had retrieved a marker and then proceeded to connect the points. Asp protested.
You can do it if Sunflower doesn't do it right. And I was fairly certain he wouldn't. I directed him, which brought more protests from Asp.
"Of course he's going to do it right, you're helping him!"
Alas, he didn't do it right: the line wasn't smooth at all. As I was explaining why a prediction couldn't be made off of it, Daisy stood behind the graph and acted as a living easel. I asked for a pencil, and had about seven shoved at me; whoever's pencil I ended up getting made a happy sound, while the others grumbled.

I replotted the points and then drew a smooth curve as best I could. The group then traced it back and predicted how many washers it would take. We then tested it. It came out to be correct, until Asp wanted to test it. His number was different, and worse, it messed up the trend. I assured the children that the first number was correct, and that was it. We still had about 20 minutes to go, and we had finished the assignment.

Group 3, which had been overtaken by one of our coordinators, was doing some sort of activity from a different sheet on the posterboard. Snowdrop excitedly asked if we could do it too, to which I replied that we didn't have it. Group 2 suddenly started doing it as well; my group was about ready to mob me if we didn't do that same assignment any time soon. I started flipping throgh the other papers only to find that they were all blank. Snowdrop also flipped through, and found that I wasn't lying. Instead, I began quizzing them on what we'd covered in the previous three lessons. We went through all of the main concepts, and then hit another dead point.

"Hey mister," Mistletoe inquired. "Why don't you have a partner?" The other group had two people.
That's just the way things work out. Would you prefer that we have two people? I can always request it. Many of the students violently shook their heads in opposition.
"We don't need two people!" Asp stated in my defense. "David's so good he doesn't need another person!" I attempted to provide a living example for the define the word "humble" for the children.

We finished up, and left. Next week's lessons will be a new module, and we require new training for them. There should only be three sessions left.

Birthday: 21 + New Volunteering (Mentoring 4th Graders)

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 07:39:00 GMT

I can remember writing my entry last year about turning 20, and reflecting on what events transpired while I was 19. A lot happened during 20, the two outstanding events being meeting Janelle and changing my major to go full pre-medical. I also took the MCAT, and spent my first summer (the majority of it) away from New York.

The thought came to my mind that I could now purchase alcohol legally. I considered going to a store and buying some alcohol beverage just because I can. But then I thought about it, and came to the realization that it'd still taste foul, and it'd be a waste of money. I'd rather buy juice instead. It's said that a person will drink well over half the amount of alcohol that they'll consume in their lifetime before they hit 21. Based off of that and how much I've consumed before hitting 21, it seems like I have a measly third of a bottle left to be distributed over the remainder of my life.

College students particularly like to make a huge deal over 21. My plans were simple: catch up on sleep, since I only received one hour of sleep the night before. Do homework, because I have exams coming up. And then have dinner at a favored restaurant with Janelle. It was quite nice.

//

I am still assigned to the Gamma Unit as a volunteer at the hospital. Due to losing a critical member of our team, the unit is unable to perform operations at the level and quantity that they did before. There isn't much going on. I'll be requesting a unit change relatively soon, but I took up a volunteering position of a different sort: mentoring fourth graders. This is a program run by an engineering research center at USC for a local elementary school. The short answer for why they are doing this is that they received a grant from the National Institute of Health (NIH). However, there's a clause involved: since science is on the decline in America, in order to receive the money from the grant, receiptients must run some sort of outreach program at the pre-university level.

We go in twice a week for a lesson that lasts about an hour. We're briefed on the lesson ahead of time and given a packet containing the lesson and instructions. Each class is broken up into three groups: two of the volunteers take two respective groups, and the teacher takes the third. We're given a box with materials for the lesson, and we have enough materials so that we can divide our group into two subgroups. The ethnicity of the classes are essentially 100% hispanic, and so we're told that there may be communication barriers at times.

However, these children supposedly are interested in this stuff and want to learn. I signed on because I feel that science is crucially important. People who are interested should have their interest cultivated further. Those without interest or ability should at least be aware of the science, and have a respect for it. Mentoring young children on science? No problem. After all, they'd be attentive listeners.

(story mode: names will be replaced with items of my choosing to protect identity)

My first day was this past Thursday. After the briefing had finished (we have our own little briefing room), I was really nervous - I haven't felt that way in years. We entered the classroom, and handed off a box to the teacher. We then went to our assigned groups - I was Group 1. My fellow volunteer, a doctoral student from Hong Kong who has done this before, went to Group 2. I walked over to my group, which was sitting around a few desks clustered together. I tried to find an open spot.
"Sit here!" One of the little girls motioned near her. (I'd later get to know her very well her antics very well - we'll identify her by the hemiparasite, Mistletoe.) I went over, happy that the children seemed to be taking to me. One of the little boys (we'll call him Sunflower) ran over and pulled a chair up for me. Things were going smoothly.

Our first lesson was to teach them about batteries and circuits - material that I can't fathom being taught and understanding when I was in fourth grade. I asked them about electricity and if they knew what it was - many of them excitedly raised their hands, and spoke in turn. What a well-behaved group! As I was talking, one of them excitedly interrupted me to let me know that I sounded like his dad. But it wasn't until I called on Mistletoe that I got my first taste of what was to come. She excitedly babbled to me about something completely unrelated to what we were discussing. I tried to listen to her politely, but noticed that I was starting to lose the others. However, what happened next completely threw us off.

The loudspeaker crackled and a voice came over, hushing the class. "Attention teachers and faculty, the school is now in high-security mode, formerly known as lockdown." I didn't gather what else was said, because the students suddenly became very excited.
"David, David!" Sunflower excitedly called to me, "do you know what SWAT is?"
Well yes, I know what SWAT is.
"Is SWAT going to come? Are they going to shoot us?"
No, they're not going to shoot you, you've done nothing wrong. Now, back to batteries... and get back to your seat!

Eventually, we got to the group actvitiy. Using two wires and a little system for connecting them, the students were to form a circuit between a battery and a light bulb to make the bulb produce light. I divided the group into two, and circulated as they worked excitedly. One group finished first, and one little boy whom I'll dub Thistle (for reasons that will be obvious later) bragged to the other group. Sunflower, Mistletoe, Daffodil, and another little girl whose real name I don't yet know became slightly flustered - particularly Sunflower. Shortly after, he excitedly boasted to the other group that they'd done it.

I tried to begin to explain and ask about why what had happened had happened, but they weren't listening. They were playing their their circuits, experimenting with new things. That was good - the real goal of this program is to let the children discover the science in a hands-on approach. We're facilitators, and we can explain things and teach them new words, but they're supposed to learn on their own through discovery. However, this was getting chaotic. I utilized a tactic we'd been taught, and took away everything from them to get their attention. I had their attention for the most part, and began my explanation. Mistletoe wanted to play with the battery; after rejecting her request, she made crying sounds, and continued to try to access the box. As I was talking, I moved the box from my lap to under my feet, thinking it'd thwart Mistletoe.

The next assignment was for the students to make a circuit in series, using three wires and an additional lightbulb. I handed out the equipment to the eager children once more, only to find that one of the circuit sets was missing a battery.
Has anyone seen the battery?
"She has it!" Sunflower ratted out Mistletoe, who looked at me innocently and claimed that she didn't. Sunflower reached into her desk, despite Mistletoe's attempt to block him out, and probably got a hand on the battery before Mistletoe quickly grabbed it and presented it to me.
"Oh, I found it!" she exclaimed happily.
Thanks, we were looking for that. Now, remember your task - make both lightbulbs light up.
I turned my attention to the second group. They had one more person than the first group, and while Sunflower was the alpha male of the first group, this group - Thistle's group - had three males and two females. The boys were hogging the circuit. As I circulated over, the girls complained that the boys weren't letting them try. In fact, Thistle was even beginning to exclude the other two boys. One of the two didn't really do anything more than laugh, but the other was trying to participate. At one point I guess Thistle did something, because the other boy sort of looked like he was holding back tears, and sulkingly stopped participating.

One little girl, whom I'll call Orchid, sat at her desk looking unhappy. I asked her if she'd like to transfer groups to Sunflower's group, and she nodded her head. I gave her permission, but she didn't move, and remained watching Thisle work, looking unhappy. This time, Sunflower's group exhibited superior teamwork and excitedly bragged to Thistle that they'd completed their circuit. I congratulated them. Thistle quickly copied them, and got his circuit set up.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" one of them requested.
Uh... yeah, sure.
"Oh, I have to go with him!" another exclaimed.
Why?
"I'm the bathroom monitor. See, you look over there" and my attention was pointed to a list of duties with names. Ultimately, nobody ended up going to the bathroom, despite my permission, but I fielded random requests like this a few other times (bathroom, drink of water, and so on).

I began my explanation once more, along with another activity, but by this time I'd lost a number of them. Thistle, who until now had limited his poor behavior to talking relatively quietly to the boy next to him as I was speaking, completely got up and wandered around the table. He would start play fighting with Sunflower or any of the other boys, removing their attention from me as well. He refused commands to return to his seat, instead shifting who he was playfighting with.
"David, he hit me!" I'd be interrupted with this relatively frequently.
Where did he hit you?
"Right here!" A motion would be made to a cheek that bore no red marks. Thistle would deny the claim.
Well, don't hit each other. Now, back to electricity... but they were too excited. I looked jealously over at the other mentor, Leann's group. She was carefully explaining a lesson that I'd blown through in desperation. All of her students were sitting calmly, not speaking, and when she asked a question, they all raised their hands. I looked back at my group. Most of the boys were lost. The girls were watching me.

"Como se llama?" Mistletoe questioned me. I recognized this simple line from my years in Spanish - it's asking what your name is. I gave it to her, thinking that perhaps she was challenging me, thinking that I was some dumb white person who didn't know any Spanish. Perhaps if I threw the ball back into her court, it'd earn me some higher respect and they'd stop misbehaving. It earned the children's attention, but not in the way I'd hoped.
"Wow! You know Spanish?!" The children were excited, and a few of them tried Spanish phrases on me. Attention was diverted from the lesson once more. Mistletoe flashed her tongue ring at me. I was shocked that a fourth grader would have such a thing.

We finished with about 20 minutes to spare. I allowed them to continue playing with the circuits. Some of them ran around the room like a cancer, disrupting the other groups in minor ways. Even Daffodil, who up until now had been the student I felt I could count on, displayed her wild side. At one point, Mistletoe wanted to know if she could eat the lightbulb. I told her sorry, but no.
"She's crazy!" Daffodil informed me.
"I'm crazy," Mistletoe admitted.
"She needs her pills," Daffodil informed me. "She tries to eat everything." Mistletoe nodded in agreement.
Well we don't have any pills for her, so she'll have to make due.

One of the coordinators for the mentoring program came in and interacted with my group, quizzing them on what I'd taught them. Thankfully, many of them were able to respond appropriately.

We left, and my group excitedly asked if they'd see me tomorrow. Perhaps. But I was looking forward to being assigned to a new group of children.

The mentoring team reconvened in the room and briefly shared experiences. One of the mentors, a high school student, had accidentally gone into her session with candy on her. She'd lost her group instantly, and it took a good ten or so minutes to get their attention off of the candy. Leann told me I'd done a good job. I was a bit frightened at the thought that future lessons could all be a somewhat chaotic rush like this.

//

I had an ecology paper due Friday, and despite somewhat starting early on it, I underestimated it. The entire class did - the majority of us didn't get any sleep. I got one hour. During my writing, all that I could think about was how to more effectively reach out to these children. It was clear that they weren't all interested in science. Further, it was clear that they were very different from how I remembered my fourth grade experience. Even though I couldn't remember my mind set from fourth grade, perhaps it wouldn't have done any good. In fourth grade, I was not disruptive or physically hyper - at most, I exhibited the behavior that I observed no later than first grade.

Sleep-deprived but pumped up for further volunteering, we set back in on Friday for the second session. The lesson was still a part of what was called the "neuromuscular module" but the focus today was on insulators and conductors. Most of the mentors were different people. The briefing informed us of a change of schedule: one of the teachers was out sick, and the school was unable to get a substitute for her class. As a result, her class had been divided into the other teachers' classes. I prayed that whatever group I was assigned to wouldn't have belonged to the absent teacher.

The group assignments were handed out, and I eagerly awaited a new assignment. I found that I was assigned to the same room, Group 1. Great. Leann's group was taken over by a high school student who had not done this before. I let her know that her group was well-behaved and that she didn't have to worry. My friend Vania, the only other mentor who had been with us yesterday (aside from some of the high school students) was assigned to one of the displaced groups - happily, her group had been placed into my room as well.

We entered the room, and the students excitedly called out to me. Surprisingly, it wasn't only the students from my group who were calling for me. The other mentors remarked that I was popular. I responded that it was simply the students knew that they could walk all over me. I didn't see Thistle, and was a bit optimistic that perhaps he was out for the day, but he later returned to his desk and dashed my hopes. I gave the teacher her supplies box, and then went over to my ecstatic group.

Mistletoe called me over, excitedly calling "sit here, sit here!" to me. I was wary of losing my group to thinking that I was playing favorites, so instead I sat next to Sunflower. Mistletoe made her crying/pouty sounds, which were drowned out by Sunflower's elation as he pulled up a chair for me. The change from the previous day was that this time, I realized that science wasn't for everyone here: as long as I had the majority's attention, I'd continue with the lesson. I didn't know any disciplinary measures that could be performed, anyway.

I began to explain about insulators and conductors. It's a simple concept, but you'd be amazed at how hard it is to keep your thoughts clear in this environment. Aside from being sleep-deprived, the students are constantly doing something. You're busy trying to make sure that most of them are listening, and that they're getting it. Meanwhile, some of them may be trying to talk to you about unrelated subjects. If you're really lucky and have a group like mine, you'll have Thistle taking the attention of the other boys, or Mistletoe slinking around and trying to steal objects from you. This time, the distraction came from an unlikely source.
"You don't comb your hair, huh?" Sunflower interrupted me.
Nope. Yeah, not this morning. I didn't shave, either. I doubt he could understand about not getting any sleep.
I began to resume the lesson, and Sunflower began running his fingers through my hair. I ignored this, and continued. But this inspired Mistletoe, who jumped out of her chair to take a feel as well. I ignored her as well, trying to focus very hard on what I was saying. One of the boys (who deserves a name - he'll get one later) became very confused and claimed that I'd stated an insulator was a conductor. I denied this claim, and then said that fine, if I did, my mistake - it isn't. So scratch that.

The first group activity was to rebuild the one-lightbulb circuit from the day before. I divided the groups into a different cross-section. This would put Mistletoe, Daffodil, and Thistle in the same group. Sunflower would be paired with Orchid. Now that I knew their personalities a bit better, my effort was to pair the outgoing students with each other, and the shy students together. Sunflower wasn't shy, but he was benign. Thistle was disruptive.

The group ultimately restructured such that everyone was working together, except for Mistletoe and Thistle. After the circuits were built, we were to test items to see if they'd conduct electricity or not by putting them into the circuit. I began to explain some more properties.
"David, David! Thistle just said a bad word!" Lecture stopped again.
"Did not!"
"Yeah he did, I heard it!" One of the girls piped up. All eyes were on me to see my reaction.
Well, it's important to be kind to one another. So don't say bad words to each other, and be respectful. Now, back to the lesson - we have a schedule to stick to.

I handed out the items, which included such items as a nail, a popsicle stick, and wire mesh, for the students to examine and make their predictions. It was becoming disorganized - even though the students were supposed to examine the items and hypothesize if they thought it'd conduct eletricity or not, many were lost in the items themselves. Daffodil informed me that Mistletoe needed her pills, and my response was much the same as the first day.

Until the coordinator showed up. I gave him control of the group, and he reassembled everyone. He went through each item one by one. The children were very good; they raised their hands to speak, and were very attentive. He offered me control, but I declined. I wanted to see his methods of dealing with disruption. He ignored students wanted to babble after their answer, and he also ignored minor disruptions, such as students grabbing items that had already been presented. If he needed an item, he demanded it back, occasionally even gently forcing it back. Although they didn't reach their peak disruptiveness, I saw that he was using a lot of repetition and was commanding practically every single step. Whereas I'd given them the items and asked them to write what they thought on the entire sheet, he went through every single item, questioning the group. He finished the list, and then began testing the items. I resumed control.

We finished the list, and then started testing. We successfully finished. The entire time, Thistle was busy disrupting Sunflower. I called on Thistle to return to his seat. He smartly answered that he couldn't - I was in his seat. This was true; Thistle had been out of his seat when the coordinator came, and the coordinator had taken his seat. I'd taken the coordinator's place. I instructed Thistle to take a different seat, but he didn't. When the time was almost up, he came up to me, clapped his hand on my shoulder, and told me that it was time to go. Clearly, while the majority of these kids were in awe of us, our magic was lost on Thistle. He asked me how tall I was, and remarked that his brother was taller than I was. Wonderful.

One of the test objects was a piece of styrofoam, which was identified as a sponge. The coordinator had made a joke that the sponge was called Bob ("SpongeBob, get it?!" he exclaimed to the kids), and this had endeared it to Mistletoe. She didn't want to part with it when it was time to leave. I made her a deal: she could rip off a small part of it. She ripped it a different way, and kept the larger piece. I had to report the loss to the coordinators, who found it relatively amusing.

Orchid asked me if she had been a good listener this time. I excitedly told her that she'd been perfect. And she had. I'd made sure to keep her engaged this time, and she proved an interest in the material and an ability for it. In addition to mentoring, we're instructed to scout the children: we're supposed to obtain the names of those who show interest or high ability, and forward them on to the coordinators. These children would later be offered advanced placement classes. While I didn't have any names to offer for the first lesson, I passed on Orchid's name to the coordinators.

Vania's group was sitting at a table island near ours. I observed that her group wasn't as well-behaved as Leann's group, but they were still better than mine. She finished around the same time, and some of the boys started pestering her to say something in Chinese. She claimed (amusingly, with her foreign accent) that she didn't know Chinese. Noticing that I was free, the boys excitedly asked if I knew Chinese. Sorry kids; just Japanese. This excited them. "Vania, Vania! Can you say something in Japanese to David?!"

When all groups had finished, I went to the teacher and asked her what methods of control they had for the children. She informed me of a point system set up for each table. Supposedly, I was allowed to tell my table that the teacher told me that she would give them 50 points if they were well-behaved. And no, the class is not suffering inflation: she informed me that 50 points is indeed a large number. I pointed out Thistle, and informed her that I had difficulties with him. The teacher knew of him. Apparently, you need to give him jobs to keep him engaged and out of mischief. It's more than I can handle: I'm new to the teaching business. Even knowing that control mechanism, I doubt that I can effectively do that without the other children feeling excluded. The teacher told me to remind her for the next session: she'd take him into her group. RELIEF! Without Thistle, my group would be near perfect. Both Sunflower and the other boy showed a great ability for participating and learning when Thistle wasn't around them. The girls (with the exception of Mistletoe) were extremely well-behaved. I let the teacher know that Orchid had been exceptional.

I thanked the teacher, and expressed to her my amazement at how different fourth grade was now than I remembered it. Her memories of fourth grade were similar to mine. I let her know that I respected her a lot for doing what she did. In all honesty, I'd always figured that being an elementary school teacher must be relatively simple. And yet here I am, having difficulty with a small group. The teacher has to manage all three groups at once on a day to day basis! Incredible. And yet she still spoke with a smile and plenty of energy.

I had to nudge the high schooler away from Leann's group - she didn't want to leave. My group eagerly called to me that they'd see me next Thursday.

Next week, the lesson plan is for magnetics. We are still under the Neuromuscular Module lessons.

This sort of volunteering is different from any volunteering I've done before. I was more than a bit frightened during that first lesson, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it once it had finished. In all honesty, I'm really looking forward to next Thursday. I'm still not a highly effective teacher, but I have six more sessions to get through to these children. Going in, my goal was to get everyone to understand nearly everything. I can see now that perhaps that was unrealistic. They can still learn the topics, however. As the coordinator also said, they're learning from us, but we (the mentors) are probably learning more than them - about people, society, and life. It's the truth.

I don't think I'd want to do this as a job, but it definitely is a wonderful experience. I'd highly recommend it to anyone who has the chance to do something similar. I will attempt to continue updating about how the lessons progress: the antics of the little flowers, and various teaching techniques that I pick up.

On a final note, I turned 21 on the 21st. According to my friend Wayne, turning the age of your birthday indicates your golden year. Interestingly, the 21st this year is also the day that the Torah reading restarts from the very beginning. This is an interesting coincidence - the Torah readings are tied to the Jewish calendar, which is based on the lunar cycle. Thus, the readings generally restart on a different day for those of us going by the solar calendar. I'm not superstitious, and I also don't believe in major changes occuring all at once. However, I have a positive outlook: in addition to mysticism indicating that good is to come, things are largely on an upward trend, and I'm going to try my hardest to keep them that way.