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January 22nd, 2010
10:48 am - The End
It's been a while since I wrote here - almost two years, actually. It's amazing to consider how much must have changed in that time, and yet it feels like it went by very quickly. It's also strange, in a way, to consider that I used to update this journal daily (if not multiple times a day).
For the past few months I've been wanting to delete this journal. The majority of my entries are things that I don't mind having online, but there are a number that are too personal and I don't care to sift through to find and remove them. While I value the ability to update others and read others' updates, I am not actively using this journal. I also have not been visiting the site, instead choosing to receive updates from others' journals via newsfeeds. By deleting this account I'll lose the ability to see private entries from those who have given my account permission, but the newsfeeds weren't showing me those entries, anyway. Further, I realized a few months ago that I was beginning to forget who many of my LiveJournal "contacts" were.
However, I did want to write one final message before I deleted it. Here's the final message, although it may be another few months or years before I actually delete the journal.
What's this entry about? Some life updates for those who have been out of touch with me and remain interested in knowing what I've been up to, some thoughts - the usual mix.
( Life Updates )
For some final thoughts, I must admit that I haven't stopped journal writing entirely. I've just switched over to an offline journal. (I suppose one could guess that, though - clearly the length of my entries hasn't gone down with time, which must indicate that I still have the endurance for them.) Writing in an offline journal vs. an online one is rather interesting. The offline journal focuses almost entirely on me and the various events I go through. It's a mixture of chronicling good things that happen to me, and digesting things that bother me. By comparison, my intent with the online journal was to share interesting thoughts and ideas, and to give people something uplifting. While I might have written about negative personal events in my life, the goal was to share them and show positive thinking in spite of them. My offline journal seems quite negative, as I know that I'm the only one who's likely to read it. It has been interesting for me to consider.
I do miss writing in the online journal. While there were certain things I preferred not to write about publicly, it's a very different sensation to feel that you're writing something that will be read by others than to write knowing that nobody else will read it. Writing up your thoughts is still beneficial and therapeutic. It's also very interesting to go back and read entries from years ago. Aside from noting how you've changed (or better and for worse), it can ground you to reality. As an example, I occasionally think to myself that I used to be more productive in the past, and that I've changed for the worse. Yet I once went back a few years and read an entry that I'd written while I was in high school. Funny enough, in that entry I was complaining that I wasn't productive enough. That gave me reason to think that either I've always been rather unproductive and haven't been able to break out of it, or perhaps I just constantly feel that I'm never doing enough - regardless of how much I'm doing.
Now I've reached the end. I arguably wasted a lot of time with this journal, but it's been of great help to me in bettering myself and getting through some very difficult times in my life. Knowing that people read what I wrote was of great help, as well. I'd imagine that many people who read the journal aren't reading these types of things anymore, but I would like to thank them for their support. It may not have seemed like much at the time (both to them and to me), but in hindsight I can say that it was worth quite a bit.
I hope that anyone who has read my entries gained something positive from them.
The End [but life goes on]
Current Location: New York City
Current Music: Beyond the Clouds-Buddha Lounge Ensemble-Sleeping Buddha - Relax & Sleep Meditation
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January 27th, 2008
05:29 pm - Anonymous vs. The Church of Scientology
At this point in time many of you may have heard about how the "Internet hacker group known as Anonymous" has "declared war against the Church of Scientology" (to quote the mass media). Both Anonymous and the Church of Scientology are rather interesting social constructs. Moreover, many people misunderstand what they are, and what this "war" is over. I do not claim to be an Anonymous, but I've examined their activity and helped some of their efforts.
I'm writing this up because I think Anonymous is very interesting. I've also encountered many people who profess to know nothing about the Church of Scientology, but then go on to say that religious persecution is bad. No religious persecution is taking place in this event.
( Large entry )
Current Location: Los Angeles
Current Music: MOMO - Velocity of sound (I've Sound Collection)
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December 25th, 2007
04:18 pm - Holiday Cheer: Spontaneous Assistance During Tie Shopping
( Personal updates )
During this winter period, Janelle has returned with me to New York. The main goal is for her to see where I grew up and to meet my family in their "natural setting." Part of showing her around involved traveling to a local mall. While there we happened upon the men's ties section of Macy's. During Black Friday I picked up two new dress shirts, one of which happened to be red. None of my current ties match it. I hate wearing dress shirts without ties, so I thought it might be a good opportunity to find a matching tie. I found an identical red shirt to the one I'd bought and, using it as a reference, began searching for the right tie.
Janelle stepped away to use the bathroom for a moment, leaving me to my own devices. It was then that I spotted it: a table of the most unique ties I've ever seen. Instead of the rigid patterns that can be seen on the vast majority of ties, these ties had very artsy curved lines of varying colorsand varying degrees of sheen. Intrigued, I picked up a tie that was a nice shade of shiny green with blue and black lines joyfully dashing across it. I knew it wouldn't match with my red shirt, but I tentatively placed it beside my shirt.
No sooner had I touched the tie to the plastic wrap when a voice broke the calm with a sharp "no!" Startled, I turned around to see a short, elderly woman scowling at the green tie and red shirt through her slim glasses. "No, no, no," she continued, and then explained further that those two colors did not go together. I needed something that would complement the shirt. I asked her what colors would complement it, and bashfully admitted that I was rather bad at these sorts of things. I needed something with red on it, she woman said. She then began digging around the ties, occasionally coming up with a tie to look over. "This one's no good," she'd say before placing a tie back. "That one would go well," she'd state while pointing to a tie on a table near me. At last, she found one that she seemed satisfied, but her face quickly soured. "This tie looks too old for you. This is something that my husband would wear, but you should be wearing something that draws out your youth."
Eventually she wandered back to the table of ties with the artistic patterns. She found a black tie with red lashed over it, and seemed somewhat content. She apologized for being nosy, and wished me a merry Christmas. I thanked her for her help (she must have been with me for five to seven minutes) and wished her a merry Christmas as well before examining her selections. I thought that was the end of it, until I heard her saying "actually, that one could work well, too..." and pointing to a tie near me. Then she came up to me with another artistic tie. Red and white lines danced across a black surface - the added white meant that I could use the tie with two more of my shirts. Content, the lady left me and walked over to the cash register. I heard the male cashier complimenting the lady on her work, and then discussing his own tie.
Around this time Janelle returned from her excursion to the bathroom. She looked over the tie and remarked that the colors were her high school's colors. That settled it, and I went with it. Perhaps tomorrow I'll attempt to snag another one or two of the artistic style ties and then find a shirt to match them at a later date. (In general, it's probably wiser to get a tie and shirt at the same time.)
Moral of the story: don't be afraid to speak out to strangers. While some people may take offense or be frightened, others will appreciate the gesture and may be touched that a stranger went out of their way to help them.
Happy holidays.
Current Location: Mom's House
Current Music: The Mighty Might Bosstones - The Impression That I Get
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September 6th, 2007
06:13 pm - The Writing on the Bathroom Walls
Although I find it a bit unfortunate that my only entry in such a long time is over something like this, it was too amusing to pass up.
Lately I've been having mixed feelings. I've felt a bit out of place, given that I'm now a 4.5-year undergrad when the average degree is completed in 4 years. I feel some loneliness, as my core group of friends has moved on to jobs or graduate schools. There's also anxiety and dread, knowing that I'm a wild card medical school candidate. More recently, I've been pleased, as I've started to receive solicitations from graduate schools. It's always nice to feel wanted. So one could say that what I encountered today contributed to that feeling, but in a bit of a strange way.
I work in the basement of one of the buildings on campus, and luckily for me, there is a relatively new bathroom nearby. Given the low amount of traffic in the basement area, it's almost like my own personal bathroom (although I never have to refill the soap or toilet paper). Nearly every single bathroom that I've ever seen - from those of my high school, to many around my university campus, and even some at Mt. Sinai hospital - has been defiled by graffiti. Often made up of vulgar words, insults, accusations of homosexuality, and crude phallic drawings, I've considered the basement bathroom to be miraculous, as no graffiti was scrawled over the stall doors or walls. However, today I made a discovery: graffiti has, in fact, been placed within my bathroom. They were written in the grit between the tiles on the wall. Bathroom graffiti is nothing amazing, but I was quite surprised by what I found. (Actually, that's an understatement - I'm writing an entire entry about it, after all.)
( The graffiti adventure (and how the internet desensitized me) )
Current Location: Janelle's Citypark Apartment
Current Music: Meer Campbell (Tanaka Rie) - EMOTION--Mobile Suit Gundam SEED SUIT CD Vol.8 LACUS CLYNE x MEER CAMPBELL
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July 25th, 2007
06:54 pm - Journal Maintenance
On July 26 my service with my current internet service provider will be cancelled, and I'll be switching to a new one shortly after. My old ISP allowed me 100 MB of web space, which I used to host numerous images, including all of those posted to this journal. My new ISP will only give me 10 MB. I may re-upload certain images and fix the links, but as of now I don't have any plans to go through all entries and correct them.
Current Location: My room, Mom's house, NY
Current Music: natsukage-Key Sounds Label-Air Original Sound Track Disc1
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May 16th, 2007
02:26 pm - Summer 2007
Been a while since the last update.
I'll start off with the fun stuff: technological changes. ( Converting to Linux; laptop to Mac OS; router change )
Academically, I've been finding quite a bit of success, mixed with a bit of irony: I feel like I do less work, sleep more, and yet receive better grades. At this point, I'm preparing to apply to medical school. I have one semester left. It's a bit of a strange feeling to be in this situation, however. ( Academics )
As for this summer, the plan is to return to New York. Janelle, unfortunately, is returning to Hawaii. I dropped her off at the airport this morning; she's currently in the air. This summer's separation will span approximately three months, which is much longer than the ~5 weeks of last year. To make it easier, I bought her a webcam. My Macbook has a built-in camera, so we'll be able to chat over video. It's no replacement for being physically near to each other, but it should make things easier than just using the phone. We both did a pretty good job of not being too sad over the parting - Janelle got a bit weepy the night before, and both she and I teared up at the airport. It's easy to sometimes take for granted what you have, but I think I did a good job of not taking Janelle for granted. I figured that the summer would be good for both of us, just to experience what it's like to be on your own in a sense. She and I practically go everywhere and do everything together. Without her here, it feels rather empty. But it's a good experience, because perhaps I'll come to appreciate her even more than I already do when we're reunited. If nothing else, it's "practice" for a potentially very long period of separation during the graduate school/medical school period of time.
Janelle's summer plans involve an internship with a doctor. From what I understand, it's partly research-based, and it sounds like it'll be a lot of fun. Having seen how close she is with her family over this past winter break, I'm also excited for her to return home. Her family will be really happy, and she'll be in a place that she loves very much.
I'm returning to New York in about a week. My father will fly out to San Diego this weekend; together, we'll attend the American Psychiatric Association conference, which ends a week from today. We'll then be driving from San Diego back home to New York - that'll bring the number of times I've driven across the US up to two. In New York, I'll study for the GRE, perhaps perform light hospital volunteering, and I'll be helping my mother with her research. It sounds like I'll be performing Western Blots and electron microscopy. A post-doctoral student who was hired to help with a different research project is Japanese, so I may have an opportunity to practice my Japanese over the summer as well.
Current Location: Janelle's Apartment, Los Angeles, CA
Current Music: Jumping Note-KOTOKO-I've Sound Collection
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March 9th, 2007
10:20 pm - Brief Update
Spring break starts today, so I just wanted to take a quick snapshot of where things are at partially for my own records and also for those checking up on me.
Last semester's grades were a success, but I don't know that I'd attribute it to the fact that I'm no longer on the engineering schedule. It's hard to explain, but in my area of engineering (civil/environmental) there was a sort of feeling that no matter what happened, you'd get a job. Why aspire to a higher grade? The classes were hard, and you took a lot of them at once. To make matters worse, the engineering courses were 2-3 units each, yet required much more time than that. Generally, the amount of course credit that a course is worth correlates with the amount of time a student is expected to spend on that class, including sitting through lectures and performing individual study. I don't remember the formula. Additionally, the number of units became a multiplier in your grade; hence, a four unit course weighed much more heavily than a two unit course.
So I found myself sleeping more and studying less last semester, with better results. The difference was largely studying for the grade. I've tossed out my ideal that studying the material alone should be good enough for a test, because it isn't. However, if you're sharp, you can still understand and learn a lot by studying for tests.
I'll be at USC for an extra semester. I'm currently in the process of applying to medical school. Going for letters of recommendation in spite of my dark academic record has been a good growing experience. All too often, people let some shame in their life limit their abilities. If you can confront it, it empowers you (or such is my experience, anyway). The application to medical school may be a futile attempt, but I owe it to myself to do it. The secondary plan is a master's or doctoral degree program - the first you pay for, the second is free (and much longer). According to one professor, the fact that I'm an engineering and biology hybrid makes me a hot commodity as far as Ph.D programs go. It's nice to hear that the engineering might come into my favor.
I was accepted into a research lab on campus. It's a wet lab (meaning we work with real samples rather than pure theory), and we'll be working with sea urchins (the small to medium-sized purple ones - not the giant red or black ones). The undergraduate assistant team consists of myself and four other girls, two of whom I happen to already be friends with. I'm really looking forward to it.
I've started my third volunteering post at the university hospital. I'm working in an intensive care unit (ICU), specifically for patients of cardio/thoracic surgeries. As the name would suggest, many of the patients there are in extremely poor condition. Thus far, most of them have been waiting on organs for organ transplants. Seeing many of them is saddening, and makes you realize that your day to day worries and decisions are relatively trivial. As a result of the condition, I don't get much patient interaction, but the staff are extremely friendly. Additionally, the unit has a lot of pharmacist activity. I think I know what pharmacists do in general, but I'm not really sure precisely what they do. I figure that this volunteering position will be a nice opportunity for me to find out.
Summer plans are uncertain, other than the fact that I plan to take the GRE in preparation for applying to graduate school.
Computer-wise, a few months ago I picked up a second monitor for about 70% off. It's far superior to my old one, and has become my primary monitor (I have the other one linked in a dual-monitor setup as the secondary display). I also added in a 500 GB HD for pure archival storage. It's a Seagate 7200.9 model, and it's incredibly whiny. I tried buying a hard drive silencer for it - not one of those vibration-silencing straps, but an entire box that you have to install the drive into. The whine persists, unfortunately, and only disappears if the drive spins down. Additionally, I've purchased a small 160 GB HD for cheap, to be used as a Linux drive. That's right, I've looked at Windows Vista and decided that it's not something that I really care for. Windows XP is nice, but by the time it becomes obsolete I'll probably be so busy that I won't have time to learn Linux (or the transition will be very painful. I might even turn into one of those people who are computer illiterate!). Besides, I don't really game anymore. Linux is also considered a research/engineering OS, so it'll probably fit with what my needs will be in the future (technically, any UNIX-based OS is, too, so don't feel too bad Mac users). My distribution of choice for starting out is OpenSuSE.
I'll probably still rely heavily on Windows, but now that Linux has full support for Windows partitions, and Windows can also read/write to Linux partitions (ext2/3, anyway), it won't be a big deal. Regardless of which OS I'm under, my data will be available to me. This is relatively new: when I tested Ubuntu Linux two years ago, NTFS read support was excellent, but writing to NTFS partitions could cause data corruption. This is no longer the case.
Lastly, it may be a lame thing to say, but I feel better overall. I have more confidence in dealing with others, and my past grades no longer weigh down on me as they once did. I can now also speak with (most) professors as easily as I can the graduate student TAs, which is a nice ability to have.
We'll see how things end up. I won't be crushed by 100% rejection from medical school at this stage, but if I do make it in, how things will turn out is a bit more obvious. Regardless of whether I end up going to medical school or graduate school, I feel excited overall. My time as an undergraduate was mostly very difficult and filled with about three years of struggle and trying to figure myself out, as well as how to keep pushing forward despite one failure after another. I'd redo if it meant becoming the person I am today as a result of it. But now I'm going to be changing again: potentially changing location (very exciting thought), and definitely changing focus and position regardless of where I end up.
Current Music: Circ - Destroy She Said (http://pandora.com)
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December 3rd, 2006
08:45 pm - Japanese Language Proficiency Test L3
Today I took the Japanese Language Proficiency Test at Level 3. This exam is supposed to measure your level with general Japanese, and is set to four levels. Level 4 is the lowest, is shortest, while Level 1 is the highest and longest (it also costs more). If you pass Level 1, you are considered to be capable of comfortably living in Japan. (For more information see the Wikipedia article. Rough estimates for Level 3 are that you should know ~300 kanji, ~1,500 words, and be at the intermediate listening level. Ideally you'd have spent ~300 hours of study to reach this level. A percentage of 60% is passing.
Why take the exam? For those looking to do business in Japan or with Japanese companies, passing the L2 is often a requirement. Companies are increasingly requiring L1 from what I've heard. I originally signed up for the exam when it seemed like I wouldn't be able to completel my minor. I didn't want my study and love of Japanese to go to waste. If I couldn't put that I'd minored in Japanese on a resume, saying that I'd passed a national qualifying exam in the language would be just as good (if not better). When it became clear that I could complete the minor, the purpose of this exam somewhat faded. I didn't give this any priority to my regular schoolwork, and logged very few hours reviewing for it. I was unsure of my performance, given that I haven't taken Japanese this semester - worse, I have barely used the language, and as such I've experienced some mental rust on it. I'd find that apparently the rust wasn't very thick.
The exam was set to start at 1 PM, with registration opening at 12:30 PM. The test is not held in nearly as many testing locations as the MCAT was, but luckily for me, my school was one of the test sites. For just one day, one of the buildings on USC's campus was turned into a JLPT-only zone, complete with colorful signs pointing out directions and a banner in Japanese and English. (The MCAT didn't have anything like that.) Before the exam I met up with one of my fansubber colleagues, aeyes (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) 10batsu; he was a translator from the same group as other fansubbers kuuumo, maian (raspberry), and maiki). He had already passed the Level 2 exam and was taking the Level 1 this year. As he wants to use Japanese for business, he'll have to take another Japanese proficiency exam specialized for business later.
( The exam )
(As an aside, I'm lagging on my final entries about the 4th grade volunteering - I'll finish them when my finals are over)
Current Music: 新谷 さなえ/sana - ALWAYS
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November 2nd, 2006
04:49 pm - New XP Theme
For those who are curious, today Microsoft released a new theme for Windows XP. It used to be called "Royale Noir" but it is now officially called "Zune." This is the name of Microsoft's MP3 player. Perhaps they're supposed to match, but I haven't seen the Zune's interface and so I can't say for certain. Here's a shot of it from my laptop. I've decided to continue using the XP Silver theme for my desktop. Click for the full 1024x768 resolution screenshot:
Very Halloween-ish. It's not as nice as KDE, or Quartz (Mac OS GUI), or even Aeroglass (whatever's left of it in Windows Vista, anyway) but it's a pretty nice facelift for those who aren't into heavily modding their GUIs.
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October 28th, 2006
02:39 pm - Tales from the Classroom Week II: Magnetism
I recently went through advising for what should be my last semester here at USC. The advisor is really going to be pulling a lot of things in my favor in order for me to make it out. If it doesn't go through, I'd have to spend an extra semester here, and to finish off a single class. It's an expense I'd rather not make. If things go smoothly, my schedule will once again consist of five classes. It's a lot, but it's the average engineering schedule. However, this time none of the classes are engineering classes: I'll be taking 20 units. If you go over 18 units, you are charged a fee for every unit you go over. When I was a freshman the fee was around $900; I'm sure it's gone up since then. It's still cheaper than paying for a whole extra semester.
I exited advisement and headed straight for volunteering. I didn't have lunch, and experienced the sensation of hypoglycemia upon entering the school. During the briefing of the lesson plans, I filled myself on the snacks provided. It gave me enough of a sugar rush to deal with the children.
( Fourth Graders... )
Current Music: Koda Kumi - Crazy 4 U （Akakage's Crazy Love Remix)
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October 22nd, 2006
12:38 am - Birthday: 21 + New Volunteering (Mentoring 4th Graders)
I can remember writing my entry last year about turning 20, and reflecting on what events transpired while I was 19. A lot happened during 20, the two outstanding events being meeting Janelle and changing my major to go full pre-medical. I also took the MCAT, and spent my first summer (the majority of it) away from New York.
The thought came to my mind that I could now purchase alcohol legally. I considered going to a store and buying some alcohol beverage just because I can. But then I thought about it, and came to the realization that it'd still taste foul, and it'd be a waste of money. I'd rather buy juice instead. It's said that a person will drink well over half the amount of alcohol that they'll consume in their lifetime before they hit 21. Based off of that and how much I've consumed before hitting 21, it seems like I have a measly third of a bottle left to be distributed over the remainder of my life.
College students particularly like to make a huge deal over 21. My plans were simple: catch up on sleep, since I only received one hour of sleep the night before. Do homework, because I have exams coming up. And then have dinner at a favored restaurant with Janelle. It was quite nice.
//
I am still assigned to the Gamma Unit as a volunteer at the hospital. Due to losing a critical member of our team, the unit is unable to perform operations at the level and quantity that they did before. There isn't much going on. I'll be requesting a unit change relatively soon, but I took up a volunteering position of a different sort: mentoring fourth graders. This is a program run by an engineering research center at USC for a local elementary school. The short answer for why they are doing this is that they received a grant from the National Institute of Health (NIH). However, there's a clause involved: since science is on the decline in America, in order to receive the money from the grant, receiptients must run some sort of outreach program at the pre-university level.
We go in twice a week for a lesson that lasts about an hour. We're briefed on the lesson ahead of time and given a packet containing the lesson and instructions. Each class is broken up into three groups: two of the volunteers take two respective groups, and the teacher takes the third. We're given a box with materials for the lesson, and we have enough materials so that we can divide our group into two subgroups. The ethnicity of the classes are essentially 100% hispanic, and so we're told that there may be communication barriers at times.
However, these children supposedly are interested in this stuff and want to learn. I signed on because I feel that science is crucially important. People who are interested should have their interest cultivated further. Those without interest or ability should at least be aware of the science, and have a respect for it. Mentoring young children on science? No problem. After all, they'd be attentive listeners.
(story mode: names will be replaced with items of my choosing to protect identity)
My first day was this past Thursday. After the briefing had finished (we have our own little briefing room), I was really nervous - I haven't felt that way in years. We entered the classroom, and handed off a box to the teacher. We then went to our assigned groups - I was Group 1. My fellow volunteer, a doctoral student from Hong Kong who has done this before, went to Group 2. I walked over to my group, which was sitting around a few desks clustered together. I tried to find an open spot.
"Sit here!" One of the little girls motioned near her. (I'd later get to know her very well her antics very well - we'll identify her by the hemiparasite, Mistletoe.) I went over, happy that the children seemed to be taking to me. One of the little boys (we'll call him Sunflower) ran over and pulled a chair up for me. Things were going smoothly.
Our first lesson was to teach them about batteries and circuits - material that I can't fathom being taught and understanding when I was in fourth grade. I asked them about electricity and if they knew what it was - many of them excitedly raised their hands, and spoke in turn. What a well-behaved group! As I was talking, one of them excitedly interrupted me to let me know that I sounded like his dad. But it wasn't until I called on Mistletoe that I got my first taste of what was to come. She excitedly babbled to me about something completely unrelated to what we were discussing. I tried to listen to her politely, but noticed that I was starting to lose the others. However, what happened next completely threw us off.
The loudspeaker crackled and a voice came over, hushing the class. "Attention teachers and faculty, the school is now in high-security mode, formerly known as lockdown." I didn't gather what else was said, because the students suddenly became very excited.
"David, David!" Sunflower excitedly called to me, "do you know what SWAT is?"
Well yes, I know what SWAT is.
"Is SWAT going to come? Are they going to shoot us?"
No, they're not going to shoot you, you've done nothing wrong. Now, back to batteries... and get back to your seat!
( More Teaching )
On a final note, I turned 21 on the 21st. According to my friend Wayne, turning the age of your birthday indicates your golden year. Interestingly, the 21st this year is also the day that the Torah reading restarts from the very beginning. This is an interesting coincidence - the Torah readings are tied to the Jewish calendar, which is based on the lunar cycle. Thus, the readings generally restart on a different day for those of us going by the solar calendar. I'm not superstitious, and I also don't believe in major changes occuring all at once. However, I have a positive outlook: in addition to mysticism indicating that good is to come, things are largely on an upward trend, and I'm going to try my hardest to keep them that way.
Current Music: Various - Stardust Tapestry
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September 30th, 2006
12:06 pm - Summer and Fall
I haven't updated as I've been busy with other things, but I felt that it'd be nice to summarize what's been going on lately.
( Summary of Summer )
I only had one real day of rest this summer break - the day between the MCAT and when classes resumed.
( The fall semester, and what's to come )
Current Music: 梶浦由紀 - mother, I miss you
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July 10th, 2006
11:42 pm - Summer's Progress
The drive across the nation wasn't anything particularly exciting. I have a plethora of pictures from it, mostly which just shows the change in landscape and vegetation. Usually when people hear of a long car ride, they think "road trip" and have this idea of a load of fun. Maybe I've been subject to too many 300+ mile rides when I was younger, or maybe it was because I was in a hurry to get back to Janelle. Either way, I left with my father on Tuesday in the afternoon and arrived in Los Angeles on Friday in the afternoon. I pushed the pace; had I not, it's likely that we would have arrived on Saturday morning.
Janelle and I have been spending every day together, synchronizing our volunteering schedules, cooking together, playing tennis together, and studying for the MCAT together. It's been complete bliss, although recently I realized that I may have an internal conflict. It may have started when I read over someone's account of going through the same motorcycle course that I did, and then buying their first bike, and their first ride. As long as I'm with Janelle, I won't ride. She hasn't told me that she dislikes motorcycles, but I know she'd worry about me. I don't particularly care to risk myself now that I'm with her, either. But at the same time, motorcycles represent the ultimate freedom: freedom from the laws of physics (not really, but compared to a car it feels that way), freedom from a fear that society holds, freedom from the wishes of my parents, freedom of self expression. Did I commit too early? It isn't an issue of Janelle versus a motorcycle, because that's a ridiculous comparison. And I don't even know that it's the motorcycle itself, or if that's just what a different issue is taking the form of. It's a bit frustrating to me, but I don't think it's anything major. I'll keep my mind ready to deal with anything either way.
I'm going to upgrade my tennis gear (at this point, my relic of a raquet and the swiped bag) in favor of a nicer bag and a newer raquet. I enjoy tennis with Janelle immensely; Janelle and I also face off against my friend Jason and his girlfriend Susan; and when I stay with Janelle's family for this winter break I'll probably play with her father and her brother(s) a fair bit. I'm also taking a tennis class this coming semester. In theory I should be saving up for kendo gear, but I don't think I'll ever get the armor and all. I like kendo, but it just isn't so widely available. This is my last year at USC; what happens if wherever I go to next doesn't have anything kendo-related? It's an unfortunate reason to not get into it. I'm also not so enthusiastic about it that I'd attempt to start up a club or group over it. Tennis is something I could continue until I'm an old man, participating in senior tennis leagues.
Volunteering, for the summer I've transferred to the Gamma Knife Unit. They perform neurosurgery utilizing gamma radiation. The premise is that if you use radiation to kill cancer cells, they can't reproduce. The brain is a very sensitive region, though - you can't just irradiate the entire head. This is precision radiation focusing. Some 200+ beams of radiation are emitted from a machine that a patient is inserted into; all intersect at a specific point. A single beam of radiation isn't enough to damage a cell, but combined, it's effective. In addition to treating cancers, this can be used for certain internal bleeding. By giving a blood vessel some radiation, you can effectively cause it to clot or seal off (I can't remember which, nor the purpose of it). The team is rather interesting, as is the procedure. So far I've only been in on one case day to see the surgery take place; otherwise, I help with filing and keeping the place tidy. Perhaps I'll remark more on it later.
Los Angeles is more pleasant to be in than New York for the summer: there's humidity, but it's about half the humidity that New York is experiencing right about now. I think my Japanese is atrophying at a frightening pace; at this rate, I may not be capable of passing the JLPT level 3 this December.
Current Music: Uttara-Kuru - Mendicant Priest (remix)
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June 8th, 2006
03:38 pm - Breaking & Entering in Relationships
As of today, there is exactly one week until Janelle returns to California from Japan (and it's already less than that in Japan, since it's Friday morning there). I've been calling Janelle daily, and we're doing very well on rationing out how much time is left on my calling card.
When Janelle was in her first week in Japan, she mentioned to me how there was this one classmate who would hang around her and try to read her emails to me as she wrote them. It seemed rather rude, but harmless; I joked that the guy probably had a thing for Janelle. Earlier this week, Janelle admitted to me that he'd performed some questionable acts toward her that would indicate that my remark was probably correct. He had quickly wrapped his arm around her waist for a group picture; he had made advances toward her as if he were going to kiss her on the lips; and he'd attempted to playfully obstruct her walking path, which would have ended with him grabbing or hugging her. Janelle mentioned it to me because she'd feel better if I'd known, and assured me that her love for me was the same as it had always been: for me, and me alone.
Naturally, this news made me furious. ( Those who don't respect boundaries )
Current Music: Enigma - Snow on the Sahara
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June 2nd, 2006
07:59 am - Today's Call to Janelle
As I write this it's the morning of June 2 in New York, but very close to hitting June 3 in Japan. Janelle is staying in Himeji for tonight, and then tomorrow her group will travel to Toba. She didn't have internet during her stay in Kyoto, and in Toba she won't have internet, either. They'll be staying at a traditional Japanese inn (旅館 「りょかん」 'ryokan') which should be exciting, since she'll get to try out the traditional Japanese bath that all Japanese seem to miss the most about Japan. Assuming that they have phones for the guests to use, I'll be required to speak with the hotel staff a little bit more since I won't know Janelle's room number ahead of time, and she won't be able to email it to me.
Today's call involved about four minutes lost, which could have easily been much more if I were incapable of Japanese. Basically, Janelle emailed me her room number ahead of time, and I asked the hotel staff for Janelle at that room. The staff was about to transfer me before she gave a confused "e?" and informed me that it was someone else in that room; perhaps I was mistaken? I wondered whether Janelle had somehow given me the wrong room number and decided that I'd try to do this as quickly as possible. I asked the lady if she understood English, to which she replied that she only understood a little (and this entire conversation was in Japanese, so I figured that if she was responding that she knew a little, in Japanese, that was a bad sign for English). It turned out that I had the wrong number; this was for the hotel in a different prefacture. It wasn't Janelle's fault, but whoever had assembled the itinerary with the contact numbers had botched that one. I told her that I was trying to reach Himeji, and then she gave me the proper number. From there, I was able to reach Janelle. I'm noticing that my Japanese comprehension declines while my ability to formulate sentences increases while under "stressed" situations (I'm actively watching the time tick away while speaking), which is strange considering that in class it was a reverse scenario.
I still miss Janelle terribly, and I wish that I could be in Japan with her to experience her experiences and to help her to get around and see Japan for more than just the tourist spots. I think that the group has a few of those, but it isn't the same as getting into the culture and just exploring on your own - they're given time to do that, but the majority of the people have only completed Japanese 2 (the highest person took Japanese 3). Not to say that at Japanese 4 I'd be able to get around without difficulty, but she and I could do it together and have fun either way. Well, that can't happen so there's no use crying about it. Desiring these two weeks to be over is also really painful; it's only two weeks, but at the same time, it's two weeks. It's tangible and yet intangible at the same time. Instead, I put my thoughts of her (which are essentially always going) toward our winter break together. We're planning to go back to her home in Hawaii. I'll get to meet her family and stay with them for a nice long duration, and I'll get to meet some of her friends from her high school and earlier days. I'm really looking forward to that. Of course, that's a far way off, so envisioning that is less painful.
After this weekend is done, Janelle will only have two more cities to visit. I'll also have only one more weekend to get through before I leave New York. The idea of combined driving and sitting in a car as a passenger for 2,830 miles, for an estimated drive time of about 1 day 23 hours (according to maps.google.com) is not appealing to me at all. The total trip will be more like five days, since humans need to sleep and take breaks. However, I'm looking forward to it anyway. My current daily routine consists of moping around my mother's house, studying for the MCAT, eating, and willing the clock to move closer to bed time. Then I sleep, naturally waking up ridiculously early, waiting for the time Janelle and I designated. Then I get my 20-some minutes of excitement and joy for the day before repeating the process. There's nothing more for me to do here. Anime, the internet, and videogames would make the passage of time less painful, but I don't care to get back into them. I find that I prefer life without them. Although the drive will be long and I'm going to have to keep from counting down the miles, I'd much rather be performing a somewhat similar cycle to what I've been doing in a car that's moving toward Los Angeles.
And once this period of time is over, I know that it'll almost be as if it had never happened.
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June 1st, 2006
06:53 am - International Calls to Janelle
As of a few minutes ago I've spoken to Janelle three times. She gave me a list of numbers corresponding to where she'll be staying at, as well as the dates associated with each one. Today was her last day in Nagasaki; tomorrow she'll travel to Himeji for a day. International calling technology has seemingly come a long way. I can remember when I was younger and went through calls with my grandparents and occasionally my father in Israel, or from Israel to America, there'd be a bit of an echo and time delay. Here, it's as if she were still in America, and we were talking on our cellphones. Perhaps the lines and routing between America and Japan are better.
The funny thing about calling her is that there's no direct way to reach the room from the outside. Your call goes to the front desk, and they're the ones to forward you. This, of course, makes for a fun time: the front desk speaks Japanese. While I'm fairly certain that almost all of the staff are capable of English (they use English when they tell Janelle she has a call), I try to save on time and just speak to them in Japanese. It sort of makes those two years of Japanese study feel justified. The real test will be when I attempt to call her without having her room number ahead of time; it's easy enough to spout off a name and a room number. Whether my Japanese is correct or not doesn't matter at that point. We'll see how it goes; I'd cherish the ability to utilize my Japanese in a real situation, except for the fact that I have limited time and I'd rather be speaking to Janelle than with the hotel staff. And if she and I want to speak daily until she returns, we need to limit ourselves to approximately 27 minutes per day. Given that neither of us were really expecting to be able to speak by phone until she came back (a period of three and a half weeks), this is still really amazing and it does make getting through each day a lot easier. But I still miss her so incredibly much; I thought I'd adjusted to the pain, but apparently it resurfaces very strongly at different points. I just want this period of time to be over.
It's June 1st. It felt like May would never end, but it finally has. There are now exactly two weeks until Janelle returns to America, and two days less than two weeks until I leave for California. After her return, it'll be one or two days until we're reunited. We'll have been separated for about five and a half weeks. Our love for one another has only strengthened and matured during this period. I want to return home to her.
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May 30th, 2006
08:18 am - On Medical School and Missing Janelle
Today (Tuesday, although it's essentially Wednesday in Japan) Janelle's class should have moved from Kyoto to Nagasaki. From now on, most of the hotels that they'll be staying should have public computers with internet access for the guests. As a result, I woke up around 4 AM EST (5 PM JST) to see if I'd received any email, but alas, none. Since I'd been unable to fall asleep early last night, as I'd planned to, I reset my alarm for an hour later. Still no email. Another hour later, still no. Another hour, same. And then finally I couldn't fall back asleep. I'm partially antsy to receive an email because I now have a calling card, and Janelle's next email to me should have her hotel number. The calling card will give me 500 minutes with which I can talk to Japan (that's 8.33 hours). It sounds like a lot of time, but Janelle and I were talking for well over an hour each day after I'd returned to New York and before she left for Japan. I figure that if we limit ourselves to ~40 minutes, we'll be fine. It's unlikely that we'll be able to talk to each other every single day, too. I'd be incredibly happy if I could talk to her for even five minutes, though.
In a way, feeling this sort of pain over the relationship has been good. While it's still early on, it shows that the caring is there. And if I hadn't written about this in my last entry (damn!) I'd write another few paragraphs on it, but the repetition of it wouldn't be pleasing. I will just say that, even though I hadn't wanted to flood Janelle's email inbox, I was still sending her one incredibly long email per day. Actually, on two or three occasions she did gain access to the internet through her teacher's laptop. Since then, I've sent more like 1.5 emails per day.
My initial entries were quite stressed, probably by the combination of being separated from Janelle, having too much idle time and being back home, and realizing that this is my last undergraduate year. Since then, I've had an attitude adjustment. ( Stress is like carbon - under intense pressure you obtain diamonds )
Since I've started intensely studying for the MCAT, time has felt like it's moving quickly again. Two weeks from today, I'll begin the trek back to California. The ride should take anywhere from four to five days. Janelle returns in two weeks and two days.
Current Music: gutzalpus - Chrono Cross Time's New Scar OC ReMix
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May 24th, 2006
03:58 pm - Review: Motorola H3 (and general stressing)
I already have a bluetooth headset, the Motorola HS820, and I probably reviewed it before. If I did review it, I probably mentioned how its talk time exceeded my phone's. However, I recently ran into a different issue: what happens when your phone is plugged in? Given that last week I was talking to Janelle for long periods of time daily while also fielding complaints from my sister (who was in the middle of finals), headset lifetime became a worry. You can't use it while it's charging, and while it has a very fast charge time, I've grown to detest talking for any longer than a few minutes on my phone without a hands-free device. The solution was simple to my mind, if not a bit extravagant: have two headsets that you can cycle. ( Motorola H3 vs. HS820, utilized with an MPx220 )
One addendum to make to the last post - Janelle's leaving for Japan turned out to be more painful than I'd thought, as I discovered later that evening. I was even more broken up over it than when I physically parted from her two weeks ago. I'm still incredibly mopey about it. She won't be staying at a place with internet access until some time next week, so I'm doing my best to limit my emails to her so that she won't be flooded when she first gets a chance to check. I think it's worth mentioning because it satisfies my constant questioning over whether what we felt for each other was something physically derived (hormones have powerful influences over our thoughts, after all; one could easily be tricked into feeling that their body's sexual drive was true love) or something greater. The way I see it is like this: If I was more torn up over not being able to talk to Janelle every day (when I was already physically separated from her), than when I was first physically separated from her, to me that means that the bond isn't physically derived. And while it's possibly the worst sensation I've felt in my life, I'm prepared to live with it for how ever long medical school and/or graduate school will take in the event that I go through them and can't be near Janelle, if it means that I'll be able to live for the rest of my life (and beyond, depending on your beliefs) with her. Although it's still too early at this point to say for certain, I strongly suspect that she's "the one" for me, and I believe that she feels the same.
Daylight savings is not in session: Japan is currently 13 hours ahead of New York, and my computer is still on Pacific time. It is now 15:58 PST, or 6:58 PM EST (May 24), or 7:58 AM JST (May 25).
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May 22nd, 2006
04:01 pm - Second Parting
Around 1:55 PM PST Janelle left for Japan as part of a class. She'll be there for about 25 days; a little over three weeks. I didn't think it'd be painful, since we'd already said our physical goodbyes when I left Los Angeles. It was still saying another goodbye, though. I can't talk to her twice a day as we'd been doing this past week. She'll have internet access on and off during her trip through Japan, so we'll have email, but it's still painful. Not as much as when I left Los Angeles, but I was surprised that I'd still feel sadness either way. On the bright side, it's highly temporary (other people suffer far worse lengths of time, I know). I hope to make the time pass quickly by starting my study for the MCAT, practicing piano, doing light exercise, cooking, and reading. We'll see how it goes.
Perhaps partly as a result of initial sadness from Janelle's departure, this morning I had a series of thoughts that people generally don't want to have. ( What have I been doing with my life? )
On the electronic front, I experienced some problems wth the wireless network that I'd set up for my mother recently. When I'd initially set it up, the wireless signal was pretty strong throughout the entire house. I was amazed that the internet was highly usable even on a floor lower, where the signal not only had to travel through a floor, but through a few walls. Note that the router utilizes an internal antenna, but has a slot for an add-on antenna. When I returned, the signal wasn't penetrating the floor, and it was even relatively weak everywhere except for my room. I bought a 9 dbi antenna and put it onto the tiny router. It looks silly, and the antenna is even questionable in terms of quality, but suddenly the signal penetrates and is highly available all throughout the house. Thanks to eBay once again for the low price, and workable products. (Not very exciting, but I figured I'd mention it.)
I'll try my best not to count down the days before I'm reunited with Janelle.
Current Music: angela - Seperation
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May 17th, 2006
09:59 am - Back in New York
I took the latest flight I could out of California. Leaving at 10:15 PM PST, I arrived back in New York around 6 AM EST. I couldn't sleep, I missed Janelle, and I was bored. I'd taken my digital camera on-board with me, and tried my hand at aerial night photography, as well as cloud photography. Thanks to a 1 GB xD card that I bought for it (I'd like to thank eBay and my patience for making that one affordable to my budget) I was able to take many pictures, but I'll only post up a few. As usual, all images are resized to 640x480 to make them viewable easily; just click on the image to have a new window open up with the full-resolution image (2592x1944). Here's a sample.
( Bandwidth intensive - enjoy )
Ordinarily I'm quite content to leave polluted Los Angeles and return to the rather pristine environment that I grew up in, but this time I actually didn't want to return. It's partially that I've grown used to being away from the nature, it's partially also that I feel like if I'm not living away from my parents then I enter a slump, and of course largely it's due to the fact that I had to leave Janelle. It's only for a period of about a month and a half, but it was still painful. The worst was that she felt the same way. So, I think even two days before my flight, we were resting together and I brushed her cheek to find that it was wet with her tears. I felt bad enough about it on my own, but seeing her so sad over it was even worse.
But as I like to say, life is an equilibrium. Without lows there are no highs. The low generated from this event will make for such a high that it could probably launch something into orbit when we're reunited - it's something to greatly look forward to. Currently things are fine, though. She and I were both a bit weepy the first few days after the separation, but it's not as bad now. It seems like we both look over pictures of the two of us together daily (I know I do, at least), and every morning when I wake up I leave her a voicemail telling her good morning and so on that she can listen to when she wakes up. Every night I call her and we chat for an hour or more. It makes things a bit easier. She'll be heading to Japan on Monday as part of a summer class, so we won't be able to communicate vocally for a period of about three weeks. Email is still useful there. I should be back in Los Angeles shortly after she returns to Los Angeles.
I've been trying to keep my time back in New York productive, but it's been difficult. My father had surgery on his leg and can't walk properly. He always desired either my sister or I to accompany him on any task that he wanted to do, but now it's almost required. It's frustrating, since I can't stand the way that whenever he does something it seemingly takes the entire day (my sister has noticed this as well) and despite the fact that he's in a handicapped state and brings me along to help him, he still tries to do the simple tasks - things like opening a door and getting through it without my holding it for him - by himself. I hate the feeling of just following behind and idling.
There isn't much here for me to do. I need to find some good MCAT review books, I'd like to continue to learn to play the piano, and I'd like to remain in physical shape as much as possible. Thus far, the motivation hasn't found me. I considered picking up Kingdom Hearts II but the thought of playing videogames just isn't appealing, either.
On to a different subject: when I changed my major from Environmental Engineering (Biotechnology) to Environmental Studies (Biology) I figured it'd be a good choice. I love nature, and while environmental engineering seemed more like civil engineering, surely environmental studies would focus on the environment in a way that would ring well with me. Well, the emphasis was on the environment, but I think that I discovered that I'm not an environmentalist - or if I was, I'm not one anymore.
( Complaints Over "Environmental Studies" )
I also have two studies of interest to share: a bit on how women choose males, and on whether "luck" is something real or not. Even though I read both from different sources, there was a surprising link that males may find useful.
( Read more... )
Current Music: Cascada - Everytime we Touch (Club Mix)
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